Be In My Heart
by Faiakishi
Summary: It shocked Nakatsu, the feeling of utter breathlessness and contempt he felt when he looked into those spellbinding eyes. It was love, and it was beautiful, and it made him feel so happy he couldn't imagine why anyone would try to take that away from him.
1. Chapter 1

**"I am NOT a cucumber, I am a beautiful ICE CREAM SANDWICH!"**

**"Oh, yeah? Well, I'm Harry Potter! I live UNDER THE FREAKING STAIRS!"**

**And I would like to welcome you all with the fight I had to wake up to this morning, between my stepbrother, Z, and my twin brother, Taiki, (in that order) occurring right outside my bedroom door. I still don't know. I never want to know.**

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><p><em>This was never the way I planned.<em>

_Not my intention._

_I got so brave, drink in hand,_

_Lost my discretion._

_It's not what I'm used to,_

_Just wanna try you on._

_I'm curious for you._

_Got my attention._

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><p>Kayashima was feeling very uncomfortable, and he could think of only two reasons why that could possibly be. One, it could be that the normally blinding yellow aura of his roommate had darkened to a swirling red interspersed with orange, revealing Nakatsu's turbulent emotions to Kayashima in high definition. Second, it could be that Nakatsu was drunk, and he was making out with his younger roommate on his single bed, with the lights turned off.<p>

"Come on, Kayashima..." Nakatsu slurred between kisses, grinding against the passionless boy beneath him. "Please. It's just one time."

Nakatsu moved to suck on the pale flesh of Kayashima's neck, allowing him to take a breath and collect himself before answering.

"I don't know, Nakatsu..." Kayashima said, clutching the broad shoulders of his roommate, not quite embracing him, but not pushing him away either. "I-I'm not gay. I don't think this is really appropriate..."

"We're friends, right?" Nakatsu mumbled as his hands went to the buttons on Kayashima's shirt. "Friend's are supposed to help each other through rough times. I'm having a rough time. This is where you're supposed to help me."

Kayashima closed his eyes and cursed Nakatsu for being so..._right._ Nakatsu was his friend, his best friend, actually, and being there for his friends had never been something Kayashima took lightly, having so few of them.

When Nakatsu had stumbled into their room clutching a bottle of sake in his hand earlier that night, Kayashima had vowed to be there for him and listen to his friend spill his heart's contents to him as the night got later and Nakatsu got drunker.

Nakatsu had, of course, gotten considerably drunk, drowning most of the bottle's contents while Kayashima, knowing his alcohol limits well, took a few sips and nodded sympathetically while Nakatsu griped about his completely nonexistent relationship with Ashiya, Sano, or a combination of the first two.

But as Nakatsu grew intoxicated and Kayashima changed into a pair of worn sweatpants, Nakatsu began to examine his own homosexual feelings, mumbling something about 'experimenting' and admitting that he 'couldn't be sure' until he tried.

"I have to know, Kayashima..." Nakatsu had drunkenly mumbled as he had all but forced Kayashima onto his bed. "I have to know, before I go on with this. I have to know..."

And, of course, Kayashima had relented, even returning a few of Nakatsu's tender kisses. But he had become increasingly uncomfortable and uneasy as Nakatsu's hands traveled to regions he was almost positive he wouldn't have ever dared to if he were sober.

_'But,_' Kayashima reminded himself, _'We are friends.'_

Kayashima sucked in a deep breath, causing Nakatsu to halt his activities as he waited breathlessly for Kayashima's answer.

"Fine, but just this one time." Kayashima said with a tinge of frustration in his voice, though it was lost on his roommate, who had breathed a sigh of relief and had gone back to happily nibbling Kayashima's neck. "But we're friends again in the morning. Just friends."

"Just friends...yeah...got it." Nakatsu drunkenly mumbled as he ran his tongue over the white flesh, not even listening. He began to place hungry kisses along Kayashima's collar bone, hands sliding inside the front Kayashima's soft sweatpants. He heard Kayashima suck in a surprised breath and smiled, happy he had finally got his attention.

Kayashima gripped the bars of Nakatsu's headboard in one hand, letting the other gently curl into Nakatsu's bleached locks as his roommate kissed down his toned stomach, trying desperately to unbutton his own shirt.

"Kayashima..." Nakatsu sighed, fumbling with the pesky material before it finally fluttered to the floor. He sat up on his knees, attempting to pull down the zipper of his jeans to free his impatient member, but the metal tab seemed to be taunting him, jumping out of Nakatsu's fingers whenever he closed them around the flap. Giving up, he sighed and looked down at the smaller boy in front of him, barely illuminated by the light of the full moon that filtered in from above them.

"Kayashima..." he whined. "Can you...help me?"

Slightly irritated, Kayashima sat up and pulled the tab down, never looking up at Nakatsu. Nakatsu moaned happily once his pants were down, freeing his hardened cock, and gleefully kicked them off until they joined their friends on the floor.

Kayashima laid back down, his head on Nakatsu's flat pillow, and Nakatsu crawled on top of him, careful not to crush the smaller boy. Nakatsu crushed their lips together, one hair digging into Kayashima's silky hair. After recovering from his initial shock, Kayashima returned the kiss, opening his mouth to allow Nakatsu to explore the wet cavern, as Nakatsu seemed so eager to do.

Nakatsu's free hand gripped Kayashima's pants, the only thing that was separating the two now. Breaking away from the kiss, Kayashima bent his knees and rested the soles of his feet on the bed, raising his hips just enough for Nakatsu to pull them off and, disgusted, flick them to the floor.

Kayashima suppressed the urge to cover himself as he let Nakatsu remove the last of his clothing, reminding himself what he was about to do anyway. He watched as Nakatsu sucked on two fingers, spreading his legs as far as they would go.

"You're so beautiful..." Nakatsu whispered as he laid back down, letting his hand wander between Kayashima's legs, searching for his hidden entrance. Kayashima laid still as Nakatsu placed a sweet kiss on his shocked lips. _'No...he doesn't mean me...' _He thought as Nakatsu used his free hand to gently stroke his hair. _'He's so drunk he thinks I'm Ashiya. That must be it...'_

After rationalizing himself, he closed his eyes and returned Nakatsu's kiss, cupping his hand around Nakatsu's neck. By then Nakatsu had found Kayashima's entrance, and, without hesitation, slipped one finger inside.

Kayashima immediately broke the kiss, turning his head to the side as his entire body tensed involuntarily. Nakatsu waited in hope Kayashima would relax, his lower body screaming at him to continue.

"Ka-Kayashima?" He asked shakingly. "A-are you okay? Do you want me to stop?"

Biting his lip, Kayashima shook his head. "No, I'll be...fine. You can...keep going."

Feeling relieved and worried at the same time, Nakatsu slipped a second finger inside his friend, surprised at the tight heat that came from his seemingly cold roommate.

After scissoring his fingers a few times, he pulled his hand out and lifted up Kayashima's legs, scooting himself closer and closer to Kayashima until there was almost no room left. Kayashima broke away from their kiss and twisted his torso ever so slightly.

"Do you want me to-"

"Would you?"

Nakatsu was relieved as Kayashima turned to lay on his stomach, the fact that Kayashima had only done it so he could avoid looking at Nakatsu not even occurring to him.

Nakatsu quickly positioned himself above Kayashima, their torsos almost perfectly parallel. He drunkenly wondered to himself if this was really a good idea, then decided to forget that, at least until morning, and slowly pushed himself inside.

Nakatsu noticed Kayashima gasp, but he was completely overwhelmed by the feeling of being inside him to really care. He began to thrust his hips, pulling in and out, his entire body taken over with lust.

Kayashima bit his lip as Nakatsu thrust inside him, his fingers digging into the soft sheets below him. He whimpered slightly as Nakatsu brought his mouth down on the exposed part of Kayashima's neck, biting down hard. Kayashima groaned as his legs clamped together, his fists tightening around the sheets. Above him, Nakatsu let out a loud moan as he came.

Nakatsu fell forward, lying on top of his friend as he panted, feeling exhausted from their activities. He would have been happy to continue laying there like that, still inside Kayashima, had Kayashima not begun squirming around in discomfort. Nakatsu quickly raised his hips and pulled out of the smaller boy, moving to lay besides him.

Nakatsu watched Kayashima's labored breathing as the other remained on his stomach, his eyes closed. Nakatsu moved to wipe the sweat of his younger roommate's forehead, when Kayashima opened his large, mystical eyes, slightly startling Nakatsu.

Without a word, Kayashima got up and bent down to gather his pants, and begun shoving his legs into them.

"Wait! Where...where are you going?" Nakatsu stuttered incoherently as he sat up, staring at Kayashima.

Kayashima just stared back impassively, pulling his pants up. "To my bed." He replied simply.

Nakatsu shook his head. "No, you can't. Stay here."

Kayashima let out an impatient sigh. "Why? I did what you wanted me to do. I'm going to sleep now. You should too."

"Oh, come on." Nakatsu said as he leaned back on the bed. "You have to spend the night. We just had sex. That's what you do."

Kayashima opened his mouth to retort, but no words came out. _'We just had sex...we just had sex..."_

Without saying a word, Kayashima turned around and walked up the stairs, falling onto his bed. He closed his eyes, trying not to think of the feeling of Nakatsu's hands on him, or the sight of the pure orange glow Nakatsu had emitted when they had having sex.

_'We just had sex...'_

* * *

><p><em>I kissed a girl and I liked it.<em>

_The taste of her cherry chapstick._

_I kissed a girl just to try it._

_Hope my boyfriend don't mind it._

_It felt so wrong,_

_It felt so right,_

_Don't mean I'm in love tonight._

_I kissed a girl and I liked it._

_I liked it._

* * *

><p><strong>Erm, yes. So that was the very first sex scene I've ever written by myself. Well, completed, actually, but let's not get technical. Sorry if it fails. I'm going to improve! Or try to, at least.<strong>

**For those of you who have never read me, I like to put songs in my chapters, which may or may not have anything to do with the story. Ignore it if you want. It's more to set the tone, or maybe I just put them in because I'm crazy. Yep. I like Disney a lot, hence the name of this fic. I was wondering what to call this and this morning I started listening to that song and I was like, yes. This is it. **

**And for those who HAVE read my story Living on a Prayer, you've probably wondered what the heck I've been doing since, um, September. Well...my house caught fire. There wasn't a ton of damage and no one was hurt, but we all had to move out for a bit while it was being repaired. So for some reason, some idiot thought it would be a good idea for my brother and I to visit our mother for a few week. And she welcomed us by grounding us. Because we get punished together, because we're twins. (My mother is a twin, so I don't know why she does completely illogical things like this.) ALSO, while we were grounded, Loathsome Stepsister (not to be confused with Evil Stepsister) 'accidentally' dropped my laptop. Down a flight of stairs. And Taiki's computer somehow attracted a magnet. Huh. Imagine that.**

**So right now Z is letting us use his until we can save up enough cash to replace them, but this thing is about seven years old and slower than a Slowpoke. And keeps getting infected. So, um, sorry.**

**So I have no idea how long this will be. I have a REAL plot, and I think you will like it, but there's also going to be lots of sex scenes because...well, because I feel like it. And because I feel no shame in writing yaoi on my stepbrother's computer. **

**Also, I'm sorry if I made Nakatsu & Kayashima OOC at all. Personally, I think Kayashima would have a _much_ harder time coping with being gay, because, well, Nakatsu already thinks he's gay because of Ashiya. I'm sorry. Also I don't know how accurate Nakatsu's drunkenness was, the only times I ever get drunk or am around drunk people I'm with my family, and the scetchiest thing that happens there is Evil Stepsister singing Britney Spears.**

**Oh, by the way, I have an account on WritersCafe, if anyone's heard of it. I just post random shit, I don't have a lot up right now, but I want to get back to writing soon. I'll post a link on my profile sometime tomorrow. For those of you who care.**

**I think I've bored you long enough. Review! Yell at me! I don't care.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Do do do do-do-do-do DO doooo...dodododododoDOOOOOOO do do! (Singing awkwardly while writing/eating a popsicle/doing Trig homework) (At the SAME TIME) De de da do do doooooo. Meep beep BEEEeeEP!**

* * *

><p><em>I'll sacrifice anything, come what might,<em>

_For the sake of having you near._

_In spite of a warning voice t__hat comes in the night _

_And repeats and repeats in my ear._

_'Don't you know, little fool?_

_You never can win._

_Use your mentality._

_Wake up to reality._

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><p>The very first thing that occurred to Nakatsu when he woke up the next morning was that he was hungover.<p>

The sound of twittering birds and the faint hum of the heater drove into his head like jackhammers. His eyes burned, and his mouth tasted like decaying garbage. He turned over to go back to sleep.

Unfortunately for him, it was a Thursday, so he was very cruelly awakened by his roommate throwing warm water on his face.

"Get up." Kayashima said emotionlessly, before walking away to do only God knew what, leaving Nakatsu staring at his back.

Nakatsu laid back down for a second, then wondered briefly why he was naked.

Then it all came back, in a sleepy, drunken haze. He had sex with Kayashima. _He had sex with Kayashima, and it had been freaking amazing._ But Kayashima had gone back to his own bed after the deed was done. '_Why? Why wouldn't he spend the night if I asked him to?'_

Nakatsu's headache worsened as he pondered this. '_Isn't that what they like? Spending the night after sex? At least, I heard girls like that...'_

The air in Nakatsu's lungs was suddenly gone, replaced by a hard, leaden feeling in his stomach.

_'I had sex with a guy. And I liked it. I loved it, actually. Does that mean I'm gay?' _He thought as he laid in bed and stared up at the morning lights just starting to skirt across the ceiling. _'Shit. I'm gay. I'm a homo.'_

He slapped a hand over his forehead, feeling stupid as he recoiled from the contact. _'Ma will freak. Dad will freak. I cannot be gay. Can. Not. I cannot like guys. I cannot like Kayashima!'_

He bit his lip and exhaled when he thought Kayashima's name. _'Kayashima...' _He closed his eyes as the foggy memory presented itself to him. Staring into Kayashima's bottomless black orbs, the feeling of Kayashima's wintry skin against his, the sound of Kayashima's pained groans as he thrust inside that beautiful, toned body...

"Are you getting up any time soon, or do I have to pour more water on you?"

Nakatsu opened his eyes when he heard that voice, that voice that seemed to be almost unbearably sexier than it had been two days ago. He sat up and turned to look at Kayashima, already in his uniform, his chest fluttering excitedly right where Kayashima's black, enigmatic eyes were staring.

Nakatsu stood up. "I'm awake." He said needlessly. He bit his lip in embarrassment, but Kayashima hadn't seemed to notice, having already turned away and starting to shoving books into his bag.

"Better get ready fast. We're going to be late."

Nakatsu remained transfixed by Kayashima, watching his fluid movements as he carefully picked up a textbook and, after looking at the cover for a moment, placing it into his book bag next to all the other books that Kayashima apparently needed that day. His hips shifted slightly as Kayashima took pressure off one foot and shifted to the other. His pale neck was exposed, perfectly arched to allow Kayashima to read the titles of his books.

_He was just so...so hot. So fucking hot. _

Nakatsu could feel his cock harden as he (rather pathetically) stared at his fully clothed roommate. He bit his lip, knowing full well what he wanted to be doing to Kayashima right then and feeling absolutely disgusted for feeling it.

He stumbled into the bathroom, squeezing some toothpaste onto his toothbrush and jamming into into his mouth without any real thought of brushing. He turned the water on full blast as he pulled down his pants and started desperately tugging on his erection, wishing it would just go away and never come back so excited about anything Kayashima-related.

But, of course, it didn't work, and he pulled his boxers back up still with a fairly noticeable bulge and feeling like a complete loser who couldn't even jack off.

He splashed some water on his face, still thinking about Kayashima, unbearably sexy even with all of his clothes on. _'I'm gay. Fuck. I fucking like guys. I want to have sex with guys. I want to have sex with Kayashima.'_

He shook his head, trying desperately to do away with the images of Kayashima he conjured up from his imagination. He looked down at the running water, a plan for revenge on his roommate for waking him up so rudely forming in his head.

_'I'm **not **gay.' _Nakatsu thought vehemently to himself. _'So I had sex with my roommate. Big deal. It isn't going to affect my relationship with him.'_

Shuddering slightly as he thought the word _relationship_, he turned the COLD facet on full blast and ran his finger under it to ensure it was at its coldest. He filled a tall cup with the freezing water, careful not to drip as he walked across the floor.

Kayashima had sat down, still facing the opposite way, scribbling in his notebook. The sound of Kayashima's worn pencil scratching against the paper was the only sound to be heard.

"You better change fast." Kayashima said curtly as Nakatsu tiptoed barefooted across the chilly wooden floor, careful not to spill any water. "I may not care about missing breakfast, but I don't feel like listening to you complain later when you're-"

He abruptly stopped and gasped as Nakatsu tipped the cold water down the collar of his shirt, the liquid sluicing down his spine and soaking through his thin school shirt. Kayashima jumped up, his chair spinning awkwardly behind him.

"Shit! Shitshitshit that's cold!" Nakatsu bit his lip as he tried not to laugh at the sight of his roommate hopping up and down in discomfort, denying to himself that he was actually rather turned on by the whole thing.

"Well, that's what you get for dumping water on me to wake me up!"

Kayashima turned around to glare at Nakatsu, his narrowed eyes showing the most emotion Kayashima had held on his face since he scared Noe with his Mushroom Ghost story so badly he jumped a foot in the air when Nanba burst into the room unannounced at Sekime's seventeenth birthday party.

"I didn't pour _cold _water on you!"

Nakatsu rolled his eyes and turned Kayashima around, taking hold of the shirt's plastic buttons. "Just change your shirt." He said as he began to undo the top button, smiling to himself and ignoring the feeling in his lower body. _'I can deal with missing breakfast for this.' _"It's not a big de-"

His hands froze as he caught sight of a dark line running vertically from Kayashima's left shoulder to his nipple. His eyes immediately zeroed in on it, curiosity piqued.

"Is that a scar?" He asked, running his finger down the strange line, noticing how the skin was flawlessly smooth even as it was considerably darker than the flesh surrounding, a dead giveaway of damaged skin.

Kayashima grasped the edges of his shirt and held them closed. "Yes. I fell off my skateboard and had to get stitches when I was nine." He said, a little too fast. He pushed past Nakatsu and bolted up the stairs, obviously unbuttoning his shirt as he went.

Nakatsu watched as those skinny legs made their way up the stairs. "I can't imagine you on a skateboard. It doesn't seem like your kind of thing."

Kayashima had yanked off the wet shirt and deposited it on his pristine bed, opening a drawer and frantically pawing around in it, obviously distressed. "Dare from one of my friends. His mom had to drive me to the hospital. He felt really bad about the whole thing."

Nakatsu opened one of his own drawers and extracted two uniform shirts, casually walking up the stairs and tossing one on Kayashima's bed.

"If you don't have a clean one," Nakatsu spoke loudly, causing Kayashima to jump and attempt to cover himself with his arms. He shrunk down against the wall, staring fearfully up at Nakatsu. Nakatsu blinked, feeling his mouth go dry as he laid eyes on the rows upon rows of identical gray lines marring Kayashima's perfect body, roping around his torso and snaking around his slim arms.

Nakatsu inhaled, then remembered his voice. "-you can borrow one of mine. It'll probably be a few sizes too big, but..." His speech came to a halt as Kayashima grabbed the scrap of fabric and jammed his arms through the sleeves, turning away from Nakatsu as he did so. "But it's probably better than nothing. Sorry."

He watched as Kayashima ran by him, head ducked, buttoning the too-large shirt as he went.

He couldn't help but feel sorry, though he wasn't really sure why.

* * *

><p>Once they finally had made their way to the cafeteria, Kayashima still not talking to his roommate, breakfast was almost over and they had to make do with breakfast sandwiches eaten on the way to homeroom.<p>

It was a beautiful day, unseasonably warm for late autumn, the red and yellow leaves still on the trees sparkling in the sunlight. Nakatsu could not appreciate it, however, as he was too busy staring at the boys around him, Kayashima in particular.

_'Not gay.' _He thought over and over again. _'Last night didn't mean anything. I am not gay. I was drunk and it didn't mean anything.'_

Even as he repeated this over and over in his mind, he found that he could not tear his eyes away from the quiet boy, who seemed to radiate a sort of heavy energy wherever he went. Every little movement he made was mentally recorded in Nakatsu's fuzzy, hungover brain, driving him slowly to the edge.

Nakatsu put his head down on his desk immediately upon entering the classroom, earning a few bemused glances from his friends.

"What's wrong, Nakatsu?" Ashiya said as she slid into the seat next to him. "You're usually not this dumpy, even in the morning."

"He's hungover." Nakatsu raised his head a fraction of a centimeter to see Kayashima standing by his usual desk, pointedly staring at Ashiya.

Sano rolled his eyes. "So you guys did some drinking last night? On a school night?"

"Nakatsu drank. I had a few sips."

Nakatsu sat up straighter, hoping to catch Kayashima's eye. It hadn't occured to him to worry about how Kayashima might feel about their...incident...but no doubt he was ready to forget about it and move on with his life, and would encourage Nakatsu to do the same.

Kayashima's black eye flicked over to meet Nakatsu's, and the soccer player was struck cold at what he saw reflected.

_'Kayashima can't...hate me for what happened last night, can he?'_

The teacher entered the room, and Kayashima broke his glare and sat down, returning his eyes to the front of the room.

Nakatsu never registered much of anything when he was in class, but that day he absorbed absolutely nothing their teacher was saying. He was too busy staring at Kayashima, keeping his eyes fixated on the slight profile of his face that was visible to Nakatsu where he sat, watching his every motion.

_'Damn it. I'm gay. Why would I be staring at him like this if I weren't gay? That's it. I'm gay. Fuck my life." _

He buried his face in his arms, feeling sick to his stomach, and not just because of the hangover.

He was so busy feeling sorry for himself that he didn't even realize that the teacher was taking roll until Mizuki shook him awake.

"Wha-what? What is it?"

Mizuki wore an expression of sheer excitement on her face, ignoring Nakatsu's sleepy babble. "There's a new student. There hasn't been one since I came here, right?"

"Right..." Nakatsu managed to bleet, laying his head back down. Truthfully, he couldn't care less if they had a new student. He just wanted to return to his room and sleep until this nightmare was over.

"Hello? Does anyone know who Ryoto Uragai is? Anyone?"

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Kayashima sit up noticeably straighter, his fingers wrapping tightly around the pencil in his hand.

_'What the hell...' _Nakatsu thought to himself right before the classroom door flew open.

"So sorry I'm late!" said the figure who made their way into the room, stopping by the teacher's desk to hand over a stack of papers. "You wouldn't believe the roads. Insane!"

Their new classmate turned around, grinning, showing all of his perfectly white teeth. Nakatsu saw the his black hair was cut in what Nakao would call an 'emo porn star cut' and felt a small twinge of relief that this kid seemed like no one he or his friends would hang out with in the first place.

The new boy turned his head, surveying the room. His eyes roamed the sea of heads, muffling a soft chuckle as he laid eyes on Nakatsu's bleached strands. His eyes darted around, seemingly searching for something in particular, when they came to a halt, a wide smile spreading across his face.

Nakatsu followed his gaze, finally coming to rest at..._Kayashima. _Kayashima sat with his back iron straight, staring straight ahead with blank, dark eyes. He was clutching his pencil so tightly Nakatsu could see the bones in his hands jut out even from a few rows back.

Finally, the new kid began walking down the line of desks, eyes never leaving Kayashima, who continued to stare at the front of the room, as if Ryoto had never left. As he passed Kayashima's desk, Ryoto brushed his fingers across the top, leaving oily smears where his fingers had trailed.

"Hey, Taiki."

Ryoto faced forward, grin wider, as he sauntered to the back of the classroom. Nakatsu watched Kayashima, wondering why he hadn't said anything about someone he knew coming to school or why he hadn't moved since the kid walked into the room.

As Ryoto walked by his desk, Nakatsu barely resisted the urge to stick his leg out and trip him.

* * *

><p><em>But each time I do,<em>

_Just the thought of you_

_Makes me stop_

_Before I begin._

_Cause I've got you_

_Under my skin._

* * *

><p><strong>Sorry about the really old-fartsy song here, my choir teacher enjoys Cole Porter and so today I thought of this fic while we were singing this little part. Yes, I think about my sketchy yaoi fanfics while my choir teacher threatens to send thugs to our homes and kill us. (Really.) You should be grateful, really. Assuming people are actually reading this.<strong>

**Big thanks to Collineesh, who, as far as I know, is the only one reading this total crap. You're awesome. Don't change your awesome ways. You're not allowed to. Ever.**

**So, about the story...**

**It's *kinda* in line with Living On A Prayer, though I wouldn't say it's necessary for you to read it to understand who the heck Ryoto is. (Though if you would like to read and review, don't let me stop you) Ryoto isn't *exactly* an OC, because trust me, I really hate OC's. And now I realize that my other story is full of OC's...but they're not *really* OC's, because it's not like I just created a spot for them, if that makes sense...probably doesn't.**

**Anyway, if anyone read the special Kayashima chapter in volume 13, Kayashima talks about some guy he referred to as just _HIM._ I'm pissed at Nakajo for not filling that in for us. (Does she not realize that Kayashima is like, five million to the fourteenth hundred power cooler than Mizuki?) So Ryoto is what I made up to fill that spot. Just know he majorly pissed Kayashima off.**

**Basically, Kayashima's past up to when he comes to Osaka is virtually the same as in that story. There won't be as much angst in this. Or maybe there will. I don't know. I'm just the writer. I don't have all the answers. **

**Alright, I have my weird relatives visiting this weekend, followed by Finals next Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. Don't expect much. Sorry, but I MUST ace Biology! (My school's weird in doing Biology junior year.)**

**So I will leave you will another episode of Shit My Family Says.**

**Z: (To Taiki) "Go seduce your fractions!"**

**-Chihiro**


	3. Chapter 3

**ME: "What were you two arguing about the other day?"**

**Z: "What day? The day we argue about condoms and bananas, or-"**

**ME: "No! No! The day you claimed to be an ice cream sandwich."**

**TAIKI: "Oh, when I said I was Harry Potter because I live under the stairs?"**

**DAD: "Well, take Z's room then. If he's an ice cream sandwich, we just have to put him out in the sun to get rid of him."**

**-Breakfast with the men of my family.**

**I kinda like starting out each chapter with a laugh. If my family is being uninteresting, I'll insert a Sokka quote from Avatar.**

**SOKKA: "Oh, no! I knew it was only a matter of time! APPA ATE MOMO!"**

**ZUKO: "Get out of the bison's mouth, Sokka!"**

* * *

><p><em>I know I can't take one more step towards you,<em>

_Cause all that's waiting is regret._

_Don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore?_

_Lost the love I loved the most._

_I learned to live half-alive,_

_Now you want me one more time._

* * *

><p><em>'Don't think about it. Focus on the task at hand. Whatever you do, don't think about it.'<em>

Kayashima repeated the same nauseating mantra in his head during his first three classes. His first two were mandatory classes for all students in his grade, so he was able to feel at least partially secure with Nakao sitting besides him and Sekime right behind.

But his third class was Japanese History, which none of his friends had decided to take. Kayashima had walked with his friends to World History, earning a confused glance from Nakao, who seemed to be the only one who always noticed him. He had then dashed to his own class, making it in right before the bell rang. He dropped into his usual seat, in the front of the room, without looking up to see if Ryoto was in this class as well.

He knew Ryoto was there. He could feel his dark, heartless eyes on his back. He could feel it as strongly as if Ryoto had wrapped his cold, unforgiving hands around his throat.

_'Just don't think about it.'_

Kayashima tapped his pencil against the desk in sync to the pounding beat in his head. He figured his headache was probably more do to his low alcohol tolerance than Ryoto's presence, but he still worried about his physical reaction to his old classmate's arrival.

He bent over, taking notes without really taking in what he was writing. During all of his classes, he had continued to automatically take his regular notes, despite the fact he wasn't hearing a word the teachers were saying. His mind was focused on the bell, ready to jump up and run the second it began to ring.

As soon as that moment came, he was on his feet and hastily cramming his notebook into his bag as he made his way to the door. He had almost made his escape when he heard that voice call out behind him.

"Taiki! Wait up!"

Kayashima cursed to himself and, out in the hallway, quickly turned the opposite way of the cafeteria. _'I'll stay in my room. I'll just text Nakatsu and tell him I have a headache so he doesn't worry...'_

With this plan fully formed in his head, he started walking faster, hoping Ryoto hadn't seen him turn and would search for him in the cafeteria.

"Taiki! Hey!"

Kayashima bit his lip hard as Ryoto ran up beside him, lightly punching him in the arm as a greeting.

"I thought you would have been a little bit more excited to see me!" He said, laughing. "It's been what? A year and a half? Come on, I _missed _you!"

Kayashima bit his lip harder, training his eyes straight forward. "Don't call me that."

The was a pause. "Call you what?"

"By my first name."

Ryoto was silent for a long moment, then gave out an awkward laugh. "We're best friends. We've always called each other by our first names."

Kayashima stopped suddenly, his hands curling into fists. He gritted his teeth, trying to prevent all the ugly words in his head from falling out of his mouth.

"Everyone here calls me Kayashima. Even my friends." He finally said, exhaling and attempting to expel all bad energy as he started to walk again.

Ryoto, startled, sprinted for a second to catch up to Kayashima, knocking their hands together as they walked. "Well, we're a lot more than just friends, so I can just keep calling you Taiki, right?" He laughed a bit, then stopped cold when Kayashima flashed his angry eyes at him. Ryoto continued to smile, shaking his head a bit. "Fine. I'll just call you Kayashima-chan now."

Kayashima felt his blood boil when he heard him, but he remained silent, wanting at all costs to avoid a possible fight.

Ryoto stared at the autumn trees for a minute, seemingly at a loss for words.

"So...how have you been?"

Kayashima gritted his teeth, feeling his hands curl into fists. He shoved his freezing hands under his armpits, feeling suddenly very cold. "How do you think I've been? The last time I saw you, I was tied to a fence and you were beating the living shit out of me."

Utter silence. Kayashima kept his face forward, ignoring how Ryoto's aura had changed from a happy orange to a dark brown as he steadily walked to his dorm. He had almost convinced himself that Ryoto had left when he heard his shaky, unsure voice.

"Uh, well, that's all in the past. Water under the bridge." Kayashima was forced to stop suddenly as Ryoto suddenly sprinted forward, whirling around to face Kayashima as he walked backwards. "So, we're friends again, right? All is forgiven?"

Kayashima narrowed his eyes, crossing his arms as he shifted his weight to one foot. "I did not hear an apology in there."

Ryoto bit his lip, panic appearing in his eyes. "Um...I'm sorry?"

Kayashima rolled his eyes, avoiding eye contact. "Let me into my dorm."

He shoved past Ryoto and quickly ran his ID through cardkey slot, yanking open the door to Dorm 2's stairwell. Warm air rushed forward, enveloping him in a sort of bubble that gave him a false sense of security. He went on, not bothering to acknowledge the boy he had left in the dust.

"Oh, come on, Taiki!" Ryoto called out, shoving his way inside the dorm and letting the door shut and auto-lock behind him. Kayashima began walking up the slippery concrete steps to his floor, still ignoring Ryoto. "I didn't mean for it to end that way. I wasn't trying to hurt you like that. Okay? No big deal."

Kayashima spun around so suddenly Ryoto nearly fell backwards, grabbing onto the metal stair rail to keep himself from tumbling. Kayashima gripped the pole himself, but only to stop himself from punching Ryoto in the face. "_No big deal?_" He yelled, not caring that Ryoto was close enough to hear him if he whispered. "You call jumping someone, tying them up, and beating them so badly they have to go to the hospital _no big deal?_"

"Well, um...didn't you go to the hospital, because...because of...because of what you...what happened...you know...after you got home?"

Kayashima closed his eyes, forcing himself to breath in and out slowly, trying to smooth his frayed nerves and prevent losing control again. "I had a concussion, a broken rib, two dislocated joints, and blood loss."

Ryoto scratched his head, looking genuinely upset. "Shit. I-I'm sorry, Taiki. I told them to take it easier on you, because I knew you health wasn't too good, but..."

Kayashima just rolled his eyes, turning around on the stairs. He didn't bother to point out that Ryoto would have sacrificed his 'popularity' and not joined in if he had really cared.

"Wait! Just give me a second!" Ryoto reached up and grabbed hold of Kayashima's arm, pulling him down. Kayashima let out a surprised yell, flailing a bit as he tried to recover.

"What...what the hell are you doing?" Kayashima yelled as he tried to pry himself free of Ryoto's iron grip. He cursed himself as he thought of his current situation; trapped in a stairwell with a bigger, much stronger boy than him, who had already severely injured him once before, who was the only other person in the entire building, and no one would notice his absence for at least another hour. "Let go! Let go of me!"

He smacked Ryoto's hand away, tripping on a step in a desperate attempt to get away from him, clutching the railing to avoid falling.

Ryoto held his hands out, as if to brace Kayashima's inevitable fall. "Careful. You could fall and break your neck."

"Is that a threat?" Kayashima cried irrationally, backing away quickly, stumbling on a few steps.

Ryoto only followed him, only utmost concern showing in his eyes. "No! Why would you say that?" He carefully walked up the stairs, still tripping once over the unfamiliar steps. "Are you okay? Do you need me to get your inhaler? You look pale."

"I am not having an asthma attack!" Kayashima said, knowing he needed to calm down fast, or his panic attack would cause Ryoto's assumption to become true. "I haven't had one since I was thirteen. I'm _fine!_" He yelled as Ryoto reached out to grasp his hand, fumbling for the door behind his back. Grasping the handle, he quickly disappeared into the darkened hallway, hoping Ryoto would figure out he needed to leave Kayashima alone and go away.

He didn't. "Taiki! Taiki, please!" Kayashima did his best to ignore Ryoto as he walked down the hall, wishing room 203 would get there faster. "Please, Taiki! Just give me a chance to apologize!"

Kayashima turned around, staring Ryoto straight in the eye, trying his best to keep his face free of emotion as he spoke lowly. "I did give you a chance to apologize. I gave you _two years _to apologize." Ryoto stayed silent, his mouth hanging slightly open, incredulous. "You could have called. You could have written. You could have emailed. And you did _nothing._"

Feeling like he had said all he needed to, Kayashima, turned around and opened the door, hoping to get in the room and lock the door while Ryoto was frozen in his place.

"Taiki, wait." Kayashima bit his lip and threw his body weight against the door to get rid of Ryoto, who shoved his foot in the opening, his body following as he snaked through the small crack.

"God, will you just _leave me alone?_" Kayashima yelled as he backed away from Ryoto, who was innocently staring at him as he closed the door behind him. Like he broke into people's bedrooms everyday. Kayashima's heart nearly stopped as he heard the unmistakable sound of the door locking from the inside.

Ryoto just shook his head. "Taiki, I am not leaving you alone. You're having a panic attack. I know how you are when you have panic attacks. You're having a hard time breathing, aren't you?"

Kayashima could only nod weakly, incessant trembling overtaking his body. He tried to tell Ryoto to leave, that he would feel better once he was alone, but he couldn't get the words out. His chest felt constricted. Ryoto was by him in a second, removing both their bags and carelessly tossing them to the floor, pushing him down gently and placing his back against the wall.

"Put your head between your legs. That usually helps, right?" He asked uncertainly as Kayashima meekly did as he was told. He breathed slowly, trying to get his heartrate to return to normal and becoming vaguely aware of Ryoto gently running his fingers up and down Kayashima's back.

"What..what are you doing?" Kayashima jumped up, backing away from Ryoto, going up the stairs to his personal level backwards. "Stay away from me. Just leave. Just leave and never talk to me again."

Ryoto got up, never taking his eyes off Kayashima. "I don't understand why you hate me so much."

"You left me for dead!" Kayashima yelled as he backed into the corner of the space, crouching down to avoid hitting his head on the slanted skylight. "You jumped me, tied me up, beat me nearly unconscious, then left me there! What if I couldn't get help? What if I died?"

He let out a small yelp as Ryoto seized the front of his shirt and yanked him forward, bringing the two face to face. Kayashima looked up and met Ryoto's focused, saddened eyes with his fearful ones.

"I'm _sorry."_ Ryoto voice trembled, unshed tears choking his words. "I didn't mean for it to end that way. I should have never let anything happen to you." He whispered as he traced a line down Kayashima's chin, stepping closer, minimizing the space between the two. "I should have never let anyone hurt you..."

And before Kayashima could realize what was happening, Ryoto was kissing him. His hand made it's way up to Kayashima's cheek, where it gently rested as his other hand slackened his grip on Kayashima's shirt.

Kayashima blinked, his mind catching up to what was happening. He brought his hands up to push Ryoto away, but Ryoto seemed to take it as a sign of passion. He wrapped one arm around Kayashima waist, grabbing his ass and grinding against him suddenly. Kayashima gasped as Ryoto moved his lips to the smaller boy's neck, sucking on the soft flesh with renewed vigor. Disoriented, Kayashima put his hands on Ryoto's shoulders in a weak attempt to push his violator off him.

"No. No, Ryoto!" He yelled, jerking backwards, shoving Ryoto away. "Get off of me!"

Ryoto swore and held out a hand to steady himself on Kayashima's mattress. He stood up straight, and, after Kayashima had thought he would just leave, slapped Kayashima smartly across the face.

"God...why do you have to be such a fucking tightass all the time?" He yelled as Kayashima rubbed his reddened cheek. "Do you know what I've been through these past few years, telling myself I didn't like you like that, telling myself you meant nothing to me?"

Kayashima put his hands up in a weak attempt to defend himself, only to have Ryoto grab hold of one of his wrists and throw him across the floor, his back painfully making contact with the edge of the mattress, the rest of his body collapsing.

"Do you know how long I've _wanted_ you?" Ryoto grabbed Kayashima's arms and lifted him up, only to throw him onto the mattress. Kayashima hit the bed at a diagonal, his head smacking against the safety bar that acted as a half-wall for Kayashima's floor. "Why can't you just go along with this? Why can't you accept it? I did!"

Kayashima laid on the bed, stars appearing before his eyes. He blinked, seeing Ryoto and his brilliant, blood-red aura appear above him, his vision doubling thanks to his head injury. "I bet it's because of your dad, right?" Ryoto ranted as his hands went to the buttons of Kayashima's shirt. "He rides you so hard about getting perfect grades and acting _normal _you're afraid of being anything but some bitchy, sexually repressed _freak._"

Kayashima put his hands up to try to push Ryoto away, but his former friend wrapped his hands around Kayashima's scarred wrists and pinned them the the sheets, his angry face looming right above Kayashima's terrified eyes. "I've had it. I've wanted to do this for so long, I've wanted to do this _with you _for so long!"

Ryoto's hands slid over Kayashima's tie, untieing the knot shakily. Kayashima began to squirm underneath him, hoping he could, somehow, get out from under Ryoto and grab something to use as a weapon against his abuser. Ryoto noticed this as he slipped the scrap of fabric out from around Kayashima's neck.

"Stop. Stop that." He said, a little too calmly in contrast with his recent mood. "I said stop!" Ryoto seemed to snap as his hands wound around Kayashima's throat and squeezed.

Kayashima gasped for air, but found that oxygen simply would not make it to his lungs. His vision went blurry as his lungs burned, his entire body suddenly feeling fuzzy and impossibly heavy.

Just when he thought he might explode, Ryoto released him. Kayashima's tense muscles suddenly went limp as he coughed and sputtered, grateful that he could breathe once again. He felt strong hands close around his wrists, and, with a distinct tugging sensation, his arms were raised above his head. Kayashima felt something strong wrap around them, and he realized, with horror, that Ryoto had lashed his hands to the guardrail with his tie.

"There we go." Ryoto said, lowering himself on top of Kayashima, smiling for the first time since they had walked into the building together. "Now we're going to be just fi-"

"Help!" Kayashima twisted his body away from Ryoto, willing someone-anyone-to be in the dorm; sick, skipping, randomly passing by; to hear him. "Help me! I-"

Ryoto slapped his hand across Kayashima's mouth, effectively muffling his cries. Kayashima continued to squirm, trying to free himself, while Ryoto hovered nervously above him.

"No, don't scream. Oh God, please don't scream." He whispered, almost to himself. He looked around the room, as if a solution to his problem would magically present itself. "Shit. What do I do, what do I do?"

He bit his lip, looking down at the boy he had tied up underneath him as if trying to decide whether whatever idea that had popped into his head was too terrible for him or not. He apparently chose the latter, and, with one hand, stripped himself of his own tie and brought to to Kayashima's mouth. Kayashima yelled as Ryoto pulled his hand away, though he knew it was hopeless, and Ryoto quickly wrapped the fabric around Kayashima's mouth, taking away his last weapon.

Ryoto sighed, lowering himself back down on top of Kayashima. "Finally." He breathed, resting his head on Kayashima's chest, listening to his erratic heartbeat. His soft lips found Kayashima's neck, and he placed a loving kiss there as his hands made their way to Kayashima's buttons once again.

"I've wanted this for so long." Ryoto whispered as he quickly unbuttoned Kayashima's shirt, exposing his pale chest and waist.

"Why is this shirt so big on you?" He asked as he absentmindedly traced one of Kayashima's more obvious scars around his collar bone, obviously wondering about something besides Kayashima's clothing.

Kayashima gasped as he saw Ryoto lean down and felt his warm lips close around his nipple, teasing the bud slightly with his tongue, before sucking on it tenderly. Ryoto began grinding against the body beneath him, one hand going to Kayashima's shoulder, the other around his waist, desperately wanting closer to Kayashima.

_'This is not happening. I'm dreaming. I'm having a nightmare.'_

But this wasn't a regular in his reel of nighttime episodes. Usually his nightmares consisted of ghosts, death, things that came from the other side. He rarely dreamt of living people, because he had seen things much more horrifying than whatever Ryoto had inflicted on him before.

But this...this was different. This was invasive. This was using his own body to make him feel completely violated.

Ryoto's gentle sucking turned near violent, biting down on Kayashima's hypersensitive flesh so hard Kayashima let out an involuntary yelp. Ryoto growled and jumped up. Kayashima almost allowed himself a ray of hope that Ryoto would come to his senses and untie Kayashima, but he knew it would only be dashed.

Ryoto stumbled over to Kayashima's dresser, reaching for the coffee mug he kept full of school supplies. He swore as it tumbled over, a few pens and a ruler clattering to the ground. he fumbled around for a minute before turning around with his desired object in hand.

A pair of scissors.

_'This is not happening.'_

Kayashima's heartbeat quickened as he pressed his chin down, pathetically trying to protect his neck. He moved away from Ryoto as he approached, scooting as far back on the bed as his bondage would allow.

"Calm down." Ryoto said, looking rather annoyed. He put the scissors down on the mattress, taking Kayashima's face in his hands. "Calm down, okay? I'm not going to hurt you." Kayashima blinked, whimpering. Ryoto took him by the shoulders and gave him a rough shake. "You need to calm down. You're gagged. You cannot have a panic attack right now. You'll suffocate."

Ryoto took the scissors in his hands and bent down, intent on getting Kayashima's shirt out of the way. Kayashima felt a short burst of anger as Ryoto cut into the fabric, remembering it was Nakatsu's shirt he was ruining. The anger was quickly overtaken by fear as he thought of what Ryoto was going to do next.

_'This cannot be happening.'_

Ryoto threw the scissors to the ground, tearing the shredded rags that was Nakatsu's shirt from Kayashima's body, depositing that as well. Kayashima shivered, having so little protection from the chilly air that seeped through the skylight. Ryoto returned his attention to Kayashima's neck, continuing to suck and bite whatever he deemed necessary. He began to grind against Kayashima once again, moaning in longing.

Breaking away, Ryoto sat back on Kayashima's waist, struggling to remove his own shirt. When he finally freed himself, he flung the offending garment to the floor, paying no attention to where it landed.

Ryoto sat, staring into Kayashima's eyes for a moment. He panted, sweat beginning to drip down the side of his face. Suddenly, he scooted backwards, forcing Kayashima's legs apart and kneeling between them. His hands went to the button of Kayashima's pants, ripping the material away from the plastic circle so hard Kayashima was surprised the button didn't pop right off. He quickly pulled down the zipper, taking hold of the sides of both Kayashima's pants and boxers, sliding them off in one smooth motion.

Ashamed, Kayashima tried to turn over and curl up to hide his nakedness, but Ryoto's hands on his hips kept him in his humiliating position. He painfully raised his head to see what Ryoto was doing, and panicked as soon as he saw Ryoto smiling up at him, spreading Kayashima's legs with his hands.

After keeping eye contact with Kayashima for a minute, Ryoto went down, taking Kayashima's unwillingly swollen member in his hands and giving it a swift lick. Kayashima's stomach flipped violently, and he was glad all he had had to eat that day was half a breakfast sandwich. Suddenly, Ryoto took him in, sucking on his cock as Kayashima squeezed his eyes shut and tried to pretend it wasn't happening.

"Mmphh..." Kayashima moaned through his gag as he involutarily raised his hips, wishing he could just die right there.

_'You are not enjoying this. He is doing this without your permission. You cannot be enjoying this!'_

Kayashima tipped his head back, his body disobeying his orders not to enjoy Ryoto violating him as a few muffled moans slipped past his lips.

Just as he thought Ryoto would bring him to completion, he stopped, leaving Kayashima hard and forbidding himself from wanting any more.

Kayashima panted, feeling disgusted with himself. He deliberately kept his eyes closed so as to not see what he knew Ryoto would be doing next.

Sure enough, he soon felt Ryoto's warm hand slide between his legs. He forced all his muscles to relax to prevent impulsively kicking Ryoto in the stomach, pissing him off more. This turned out to be completely pointless, as every muscle in his body hardened and contracted as Ryoto put one finger to his entrance and slowly pushed it inside.

"Nnnh.." A groan escaped Kayashima's lips as his back arched off the bed.

"Do you like that?" Ryoto asked softly. Kayashima allowed himself to open his eyes to peer down at his attacker.

Ryoto was knelt down, his knees pressed into the soft sheets. One hand was occupied, reaching below Kayashima's hips, one finger inside him. The other was resting on the smaller boy's thigh, his fingers softly stroking the white skin there. His neck was perfectly angled as to have the perfect view of Kayashima's face as Ryoto slipped another finger inside him.

Kayashima moaned again, and Ryoto smiled; beginning to pull his fingers in and out of Kayashima.

"You like that, don't you?" Kayashima shook his head vehemently, his eyes pleading with Ryoto to stop. Ryoto only smiled wider, a small laugh escaping his lips. "You do like that. You little slut."

Ryoto pulled his fingers out of Kayashima, sliding himself off the bed. Kayashima craned his neck, allowing himself the tiniest glimmer of hope that maybe Ryoto would untie him and be done with him.

Ryoto reached for the button of his own pants. The fabric fell to the floor, unneeded.

"Taiki..."

Kayashima stared in horror as Ryoto climbed back onto the bed and settled himself in between Kayashima's legs, smiling as he slipped his hands underneath Kayashima's knees. Kayashima could only shake, Ryoto's deathly scarlet aura disappearing as he was faced with the sight of the large, erect cock he would be forced to encompass.

"Let me...I want..."

Ryoto never finished. He pulled Kayashima's legs up, resting his hands atop Kayashima's thighs. Kayashima squeezed his eyes shut as Ryoto slowly pushed himself inside.

There was nothing but unbearable pain at first. It was nothing like his first time with Nakatsu. Then he'd been willing. Then he had been able to bury his face in the pillow and wait until it was over.

But now...now there was no hiding it. There was no smokescreen, nothing to dull the pain. There was only Ryoto, and the flaming sword that he had pushed inside him.

He still hadn't recovered from the initial push when Ryoto began to move his hips back and forth, his hard cock pounding into Kayashima so hard it made him want to scream.

"Oh, yeah. Oh, _yeah..._" Ryoto tipped back his head as he moaned, his fingernails digging into Kayashima's soft flesh. He abandoned his hold on Kayashima's legs, letting them fall to the mattress as Ryoto went to clutch Kayashima's slim hips. "Oh, _fuck _yeah..."

Kayashima's back arched, a loud muffled moan reaching Ryoto's ears, making him smile. His thrusting became quicker as he moaned Kayashima's name over and over again.

Closing his eyes, Kayashima held his breath and Ryoto's thrusts became deeper. It hurt so much he wanted to cry, but he knew he really would if Ryoto were to stop right that second. Sweat poured down his spine, trickling down his face, while Ryoto's own perspiration dripped from his jaw.

With one final, deep thrust, Ryoto groaned and fell forward, hot liquid flooding through Kayashima's body, making him gasp. Ryoto laid there for a second, before drawing back and looking at Kayashima squarely in the eye for a brief moment, brushing a stray lock of sweaty hair from his eye.

Without a word, Ryoto's fingers found the knot in the back of Kayashima's gag, quickly unwinding the tight knot and tossing the tie to the floor. While Kayashima laid in that spot, breathing heavily, Ryoto leaned down to brush their lips together in a sweet kiss, quietly sliding out of the slim body beneath him.

"Wow. All that and you didn't even come." Ryoto laughed as he traced an invisible line on Kayashima's stomach, winding his way down. His hand reached between the psychic's legs once again, letting his hand wrap around Kayashima's erection.

"D-Don..." Kayashima stuttered, not able to form words with his inadequate supply of air.

Ryoto smiled and began moving his hand up and down Kayashima's cock. "What was that? I can't do anything unless you tell me to."

_'Tell him to stop. He has nothing else to gain from this. Tell him to stop.'_

"Sto..Sss..."

"Can't hear you."

Kayashima turned his face to the side, wanting to cry. He had been so strong. He hadn't broken during the entire time they were...they were...

"Ple...Please..."

A laugh escaped Ryoto's throat and he quickened his pace on Kayashima's member.

"I'm not going to let you go until you come, Taiki."

Kayashima tipped his head back and closed his eyes, trying to look like he was simply enjoying Ryoto's treat.

_'Pretend it's Nakatsu. Nakatsu's drunk again and decided to jerk you off, and for some reason he's being kinky and decided to tie you up to do it.' _Kayashima thought, feeling almost desperate. _'It's just Nakatsu. Just Nakatsu trying to make you feel good.'_

Kayashima bit his lip, but he couldn't suppress the erotic moans that welled up in back of his throat. And suddenly, Nakatsu was _there _with him. Nakatsu was the one pumping his cock, Nakatsu was running his hand down Kayashima's side. It was all Nakatsu. Ryoto wasn't there. Ryoto was never there.

A loud moan resonated through the room as Kayashima came. His lungs deflated, burnt out. He flopped back down on the bed, panting from the stimulation.

"Now you've gotten the picture."

Kayashima looked up. It was the wrong voice. The wrong face. The entirely wrong, wrong aura.

"You know, you're really fucking hot tied up like that." Ryoto said, bringing his white-coated hand to his face and inserting one finger in his mouth, sucking on it until all the liquid was cleaned off. He cocked his head, using his other hand to reach down and absent-mindedly pull apart Kayashima's bindings.

"You should really get up and get dressed. Lunch is almost over."

Kayashima didn't watch Ryoto put his own clothes on, or see him walk out of his room like he had been inside all of five minutes with a homework question. Kayashima laid, naked, in his bed as he heard Ryoto's soft feet padding across the floor and the sound of the thin, wooden door slamming behind him.

Alone, Kayashima curled up on his side, not even allowing himself to cry.

Ryoto had taken his body, used it for his own sick, twisted purposes.

He had taken his security, destroyed it so swiftly Kayashima was sure he would never feel safe again.

After the deed was done and Ryoto had gotten what he'd wanted, he had gone farther, taking everything from Kayashima, leaving him with nothing.

Not even his dignity.

* * *

><p><em>And now you're back,<em>

_You don't get to get me back._

_And who do you think you are?_

_Running around leaving scars,_

_Collecting your jar of hearts,_

_And tearing love apart._

_You're gonna catch a cold_

_From the ice inside your soul._

_So don't come back for me._

_Who do you think you are?_

* * *

><p><strong>Er, um...yes. 'coughs'<strong>

**That sucked. That really sucked.**

**But this was the first scene I imagined for this story, so I'm going to think it sucked... Also, I thought Ryoto's character was...erm, unrealistic. I mean, I wanted him to come across as unstable, but this just seemed kind of...out there. Wah. I suck. And I felt like I used the same words over and over again. I need a better vocabulary. Maybe I should read the dictionary.**

**Thinking of getting a Beta for this story. I generally hate Betas, I have had bad experiences with them, (both as a Beta and having one) but I epically fail so much I might require one.**

**So, I would like to thank all my reviewers. Six! Six reviews! I died! I died and went to heaven!**

**Okay, I'm gonna wrap this up because I'm tired & my stepmother is having an stroke because it's past 10 and I'm not in bed yet. (Have I mentioned I'm seventeen and a junior in high school?...)**

**-Kameko**


	4. Chapter 4

**HIKARI: (3 year old sister) "Chi-Chi, you're getting fat. Are you pregnant? Am I gonna be an auntie again?"**

**TAIKI: "She can't be pregnant, she spends all her time writing fanfiction and reading APUSH."**

**ME: "What's THAT supposed to mean?"**

**TAIKI: "You don't have time to get pregnant!"**

**Z: "No! She just need to hook up with the guy in her choir that likes her! It will take five minutes!"**

**ME: "I'M NOT HAVING A BABY WITH THAT WEIRDO!"**

**Two younger brothers: 'in PERFECT unison'"You're having a BABY?"**

**'My parents are sitting five feet away from this, laughing their heads off.'**

* * *

><p><em>All that money can't buy me a time machine,<em>

_I can't replace you with a million rings._

_I should've told you what you meant to me._

_Because now I pay the price._

* * *

><p>Kayashima never showed up for art class.<p>

Kayashima frequently skipped meals, it was one of the (many) things Nakatsu had worried about concerning his roommate over the past year and a half. Kayashima was small and nearly skeletal, but he had always seemed more interested in staying in the dorm, reading a book, rather than maintaining a healthy weight.

So Nakatsu, hungover as he was, didn't think much about it when Kayashima didn't appear for lunch, besides making a mental note to force Kayashima to eat extra that night at dinner.

But the next period, however, was art class, which Kayashima had always taken seriously. The teacher had worriedly asked Nakatsu if Kayashima was sick, and Nakatsu had to shrug and admit he really didn't know.

Normally, the low hum of the art studio as students quietly chatted with each other while working on their projects was very calming to Nakatsu, and should have been a oasis of relative quiet with his current hangover.

But today, all it did was allow him to relentlessly worry about Kayashima's mysterious disappearance.

It wasn't like Kayashima to miss class. While the other students often stayed in bed over every minor sniffle or headache, eager to get a free pass for the day, Nakatsu had only seen Kayashima miss school a handful of times, and every one of them involved one of the crippling migraines he knew his roommate was prone to.

Ashiya tried his best to reassure Nakatsu; Kayashima was surely inside their room right now, blinds drawn, a warm washcloth over his eyes. Nakatsu told himself over and over that that must be the sole cause of Kayashima's absence, but a nigging feeling in his gut told him Kayashima would have surely texted.

Kayashima also didn't show up for physics. That new kid-Uragai what's-his-name-inquired about Kayashima's whereabouts after Noe had jokingly stated that they were 'missing a spirit.'

"Do you know him?" Nakatsu had asked the new kid, head cocked in interest. Kayashima had seemed almost..._angry _when he had first seen Uragai walk into the classroom. Maybe Kayashima was simply avoiding him.

A cocky smile broke out on the new kid's face, quickly facing away from Nakatsu. "You could _say_ that." He had laughed, as if he were telling the funniest joke in the world. "We've been best friends since middle school."

"Really." Nakatsu said, ignoring the dull pounding in his head. "Because Kayashima is my roommate, and he never mentioned you transferring here."'

Uragai had only looked at him briefly, laughing like Nakatsu had just told a hilarious joke. Thankfully, the teacher had walked in right at that moment, stopping Nakatsu from punching the kid in the nose.

Nakatsu wanted to sprint home as soon as the bell rang, wanting to assure himself that Kayashima was safe, but he had soccer practice. He didn't remember much from the actual practice, just a lot of kicking the ball as hard as he could.

When practice was over, he hurried through his shower, dressing and running his fingers through his tousled blond locks as he ran out the door, eager to get home to his roommate.

_'What could have happened?' _He worried as he jogged to Dorm 2, fumbling with his cardkey for a moment, before entering the building and taking the stairs two at a time. _'He...Kayashima wouldn't just take off without telling me. He just wouldn't.'_

Nakatsu stood outside the door to Room 203 for a minute, trying to brace himself for whatever lied behind that door before pushing it open.

"Kayashima?" He called uneasily, jumping a little as his voice echoed back to him. "Kayashima? You okay?"

_'Shit. He's not here. He's not here, and he wasn't in class. He could have walked right off school property and gotten hit by a car for all I know.'_

"Kayashima?" He cried, a bit of panic creeping into his voice. _'He's not here. He's not here. I'm going to lose it. I am go-'_

"Nakatsu?"

A relieved smile broke out over Nakatsu's face as he heard his roommate speak his name. Though it sounded more like 'Nakutsuuuuu.' Kayashima sounded like he was drunk, or drugged up.

"Kayashima? You okay?" Nakatsu climbed the stairs to Kayashima's personal level, where his voice had come from. Nakatsu glanced around the area, searching for his roommate, then did a double take.

Kayashima's bed had been stripped of all sheets, pillows, and blankets, leaving nothing but the mattress and bed frame. The entire room smelled like Lysol, and the floor shined as if someone had spent the better part of a week scrubbing it meticulously with a toothbrush. But the weirdest thing of all was Nakatsu's roommate himself.

Kayashima laid on his side, facing away from the stairs. That would have been fine, had it not been for the fact that Kayashima was laying in the middle of the floor rather than on his bed. Kayashima was wearing a heavy black sweatshirt that was at least two sizes too big for him, and a pair of jeans that were cinched tightly at the waist with a leather belt. He didn't wear any shoes.

"Kayashima?" Nakatsu asked tenatively, walking toward his roommate cautiously. "You alright? Are you sick?"

"Nnhhooo."

Nakatsu took a deep breath. Kayashima was definitely drugged up.

"Hey. Come on, sit up." Nakatsu grabbed the psychic by his wrists and pulled him up to a sitting position. Kayashima immediately slumped forward, elbows resting on his knees.

"What did you take?" Nakatsu felt Kayashima's forehead, noting that his skin was clammy and cold. Kayashima shrugged.

"Prosssac. Thick ssssome Haldol."

"You _think?_"

Kayashima closed his eyes. "Pillsss m-make it b-b-better."

Nakatsu took Kayashima by the wrist, intending on checking his pulse. He turned over his hand, and saw that the skin was blistered and red. Kayashima opened his eyes to stare at Nakatsu. Nakatsu had to look closely because Kayashima's irises were practically black, but he was fairly certain there was only a thin halo of dark purple surrounding those engorged pupils.

"How much did you take?" He asked, relieved Kayashima's heartrate seemed fairly normal, if even a little sluggish. _'He's on Prozac and Haldol? I didn't know that. What the hell does Haldol treat?'_

Kayashima screwed up his face as if in deep concentration. "I tthhick like...f-f-five, maybe. Or ssssseven."

"_Seven?_"

"T-t-told you." Kayashima laid back down, closing his eyes again. "P-p-p-pills make everything better."

Nakatsu let out an angry sigh. Kayashima had intentionally overdosed on drugs. Kayashima had skipped half a school day and intentionally overdosed on drugs after Nakatsu had acted like a douche to him the morning after they had both lost their virginity to each other. Why was he such an idiot? Why did he do such stupid things to Kayashima?

_'He took seven pills?' _He thought as he scooped Kayashima up in his arms, carefully carrying him down the stairs. _'Should I call Poison Control? Probably couldn't hurt. I should definitely get him in to see Umeda when he wakes up. Don't think I need to take him to the hospital. How many anti-depressant capsules can you digest safely? I think it's eight. Right? Eight? Please be eight.'_

"I'm gonna make a quick phone call." Nakatsu said as he deposited Kayashima on his bed. "You can sleep here. I'll be right here if you need me."

He turned away, bending over to dig his phone out of his bag.

"Why c-c-can't I die, Shuichi?"

Nakatsu straightened up, lightning coursing through his body where Kayashima's few words had struck him. "What did you say?"

"Why can't I die?" Kayashima's voice shook, but at least he wasn't slurring his words anymore. Nakatsu turned around. Kayashima was still laying in the exact same position Nakatsu had put him in, he probably couldn't move even if he wanted to, but his eyes were wide open, staring at something Nakatsu couldn't see. "I don't want to be here. I want it all to go away."

Kayashima closed his eyes, and Nakatsu dropped to his knees next to his bed. He grasped one of Kayashima's hands in his, holding it to his face until he was completely sure his psychic friend had fallen asleep.

* * *

><p>After tearing himself away from his possibly suicidal roommate long enough to turn his computer on, wait an excruciatingly long time for it to boot up and connect to the internet, and do a quick Google search for the number of their local Poison Control Center, Nakatsu was back at Kayashima's side, phone in hand, listening anxiously to the person on the other end.<p>

The woman from Poison Control was calm, and patiently reassured Nakatsu that Kayashima was not in immediate danger. She told Nakatsu to keep an eye on his roommate, but to let him sleep it off. He was supposed to take him to Umeda when he woke up, though. Just to be safe.

Nakatsu didn't quite dare tell her what Kayashima said. He knew, in his gut, that she would tell him to get him to a hospital, get him evaluted for depression, and he just wasn't ready to do that. He didn't want to send Kayashima away. He wanted to keep his roommate near.

After hanging up with Poison Control Lady, Nakatsu was overwhelmed with worry and guilt. Kayashima would be alright this time, but what happened after he woke up? Would whatever emotional turmoil that had prompted Kayashima to swallow seven pills earlier that afternoon still be present later, or had it all been adrenaline?

He was such an idiot. He was a giant, stupid, jerky idiot. He had bullied and guilted Kayashima into _having sex with him, _then treated him like dirt the next morning. Then, he hadn't even followed his gut feeling and gone looking for his friend when he had mysterious disappeared in the middle of a school day.

_'I'm a heartless, horny bastard.' _Nakatsu thought bitterly as he slumped forward in his desk chair, which he had placed next to his bed to watch over Kayashima. _'I don't deserve to make love to him again. I loathe myself!'_

Nakatsu hadn't even realized that he had fallen asleep when he jerked awake to a pained groan that Kayashima had emmitted.

"Ka-Kayashima?" He whispered, sliding to the floor as his eyes adjusted to the dark. "Are you awake? You feeling okay?"

Kayashima only nodded in response, eyes still closed. Nakatsu carefully brushed a stray eyelash from his roommate's face, careful not to disturb him.

"Just keep sleeping. You're sick. I'll take care of you."

"Not sick..." Kayashima mumbled as he pushed aside Nakatsu's covers. "Gotta get ready for class..."

"No, no, it's fine." Nakatsu placed his hands on both of Kayashima's shoulders, pushing him back down. He quickly glanced at his digital alarm clock, which told him it was 3:51 in the morning. "You don't have to go to school today. Just stay in bed. I'll be here."

"I have to go to class..." Kayashima mumbled, but he stayed put.

Nakatsu sighed in relief, settling himself back in the chair. He wanted to crawl into bed with Kayashima, put his arms around the other boy and fall asleep with his beautiful roommate in his arms, but he knew that wasn't what Kayashima needed right then. "Just go back to sleep. I'll take you in to see Umeda when you wake up."

"Why do I have to see Umeda?" Kayashima asked innocently, opening his eyes for the first time.

"Um, overdose? You took seven pills?"

"Oh. That." Kayashima closed his eyes again, letting out a small sigh. "I'm sorry you had to see me like that, Nakatsu. I'm usually not that...well, overwhelmed."

"_Overwhelmed?_"

"Yeah. I've learned to channel my...frustrations into more productive ends." He rambled, bringing one hand up to his face and draping it over his eyes. "Just...this time, I just couldn't deal with everything on my own. And unfortunately, I have a bad habit of turning to, well, harmful practices when I can't deal. Such as drug use."

Nakatsu couldn't believe what he was hearing. _'Kayashima wanted to hurt himself. Kayashima wanted to hurt himself because I am a retarded idiot. I am a despicable human being.'_

"Kayashima, I...I'm sorry about yesterday, and um...Wednesday night. It's just that-"

"Wait, Nakatsu." Kayashima sat up, bracing himself up with shaky arms, avoiding Nakatsu's gaze. "I didn't do it because of you. Don't blame yourself. It's not your fault."

"It's not?" Nakatsu sat up straighter, hope sparkling in his eyes, before his mood took another dive. "Then why did you overdose?"

"I can't tell you, Shuichi."

Nakatsu sighed, getting to his feet. "Just promise me you won't do anything to hurt yourself again. If you can't deal, you come talk to me." He placed one hand on Kayashima's slim shoulder, ignoring how the younger boy recoiled from the slightest touch. "No matter what I'm doing. You come to me. Promise?"

"Yeah. I promise." Kayashima said dismissively as he laid back down turning on his side, away from Nakatsu.

Nakatsu watched Kayashima's gentle breathing for a few minutes, then softly slid his legs underneath the soft covers, wrapping one arm around Kayashima's waist.

"What are you doing?" Kayashima jerked away, so fast Nakatsu had to grab hold of his sweatshirt to keep Kayashima from falling off the bed.

"Going to sleep. There are no sheets on your bed." Nakatsu grunted as he drew his arms around Kayashima again. Kayashima only squirmed out of his grasp.

"What the..." He sat up, looking around, confused. "Oh, shit. This is your bed."

Without another word, Kayashima swung his legs around the side of the bed and hopped off, tripping a bit and bracing himself against the wall as he balanced himself.

"Wait, Kayashima..." Nakatsu jumped out of bed, backing away from Kayashima, lest he upset the boy again. "I'm sorry. You're the one who's sick. Lay down."

"No. No, Nakatsu." Kayashima avoided Nakatsu's hands as he drunkenly staggered up the stairs. "I'll be fine. Thank you."

Nakatsu heard the unmistakable sound of Kayashima's slim body hitting the floor, no doubt curling up in the same position his roommate had found him in earlier that evening. Nakatsu laid back down on his empty bed, Kayashima's warmth still present in the pillow, a thousand questions running through his head.

* * *

><p><em>In another life,<em>

_I would be your girl._

_We'd keep all out promises,_

_be us against the world._

_In another life,_

_I would make you stay._

_So I don't have to say_

_You were the one that got away._

* * *

><p><strong>So the song for this chapter, in addition to being the second Katy Perry song in this fic, (I am not obsessed with Katy Perry...I swear) has an interesting story. I was just chilling in our basement, (where me, Z, and Taiki all live) writing this, when I heard Z turn on the shower and sing along to this song on the radio. I made fun of him when he got out.<strong>

**PLAYLIST FOR THIS CHAPTER: My stepbrother's singing voice.**

**Still considering a Beta. Too lazy to really search for one. I did go in and sift through a few Beta profiles, but didn't really find any that seemed good. It seemed like every one I looked at condemned me with their judgment for writing yaoi, which apparently makes me some naughty Catholic schoolgirl. (...not the porn star kind.) I found one Beta that said they would handle yaoi that didn't sound like a complete nincompoop. (Like writing in chatspeak, or mispelling VERY obvious words, such as writing stories as storys, ON THEIR BETA PROFILE.) I was super excited, I was like, I FOUND THE HOLY GRAIL OF BETA'S! Then I read the very last sentence, which read, 'I will not read anything containing the rape or sexual abuse of minors.' Dammit. That option just flew out the window. **

**I know I could find one if I cared enough to look, but honestly, sometimes I just feel like I'm too incompetent to get a Beta.**

**So, please review! I don't really know what exactly I'm going to do for the next few chapters, just kind of a rough outline and random scenes I've written that I have no idea where they will go. Do we want some hot Nakatsu on Kayashima action, or do we want Ryoto being a sadistic little rapist again? (Not that we don't love Kayashima and hate seeing him get raped...)**

**Sokka: "You don't love Kayashima! Look what you've done to him over the course of three stories!"**

**So, yeah. Review. Tell me what you like/didn't like. Feel free to rant. I like long reviews. I will love you if you give me long reviews. I will give you a cup-brownie. And remember, Reviews=Hot Smex. No Reviews=Teenage Angst and Chastity.**

**DISCLAIMER: I Do Not own Nakatsu, Kayashima, or any of the sexy men of Hana-Kimi. I also do not own Sokka, my future husband. I do own, however, the best bedroom in the basement, as it is not underneath the stairs and does not contain a scary looking water heater.**

**-Chihiro**


	5. Chapter 5

**DAD: "So, you all excited for Monday?"**

**'collection groan from all four teenagers in the car'**

**DAD: "Well, at least you're not a Muslim!"**

**'stunned silence'**

**DAD: "They have to pray six freaking times a day!"**

**Z: "...you do know we prayer eight times a day at our school."**

**DAD: "Well, shit."**

* * *

><p><em>Come ride with me through the veins of history.<em>

_I'll show you how God falls asleep on the job._

_And how can we win,_

_When fools can be kings?_

_Don't waste your time,_

_Or time will waste you._

* * *

><p>Kayashima slept. Like a stone.<p>

Maybe it was because the pills he had taken earlier still hadn't completely worn off, or maybe because he was so mentally exhausted he didn't have the energy, but he didn't stir once after collapsing onto the floor.

When he finally woke up, somewhere around late morning or early afternoon, harsh sunlight streamed in through the foggy windows and Kayashima groaned. His head hurt too much to face the bright light.

Rolling over onto his stomach, he pulled the heavy quilt covering him over his head, blocking out the offensive light. He was so grateful for the momentary relief from the sun that it was a few seconds before he realized that he had gone to sleep without the quilt.

_Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock._

Kayashima stirred. Something was wrong, something was very wrong, but he was afraid to wake up and face it.

_Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock._

Slowly, Kayashima opened his eyes. Instead of being assaulted by the harsh rays of sunlight that crept into his room from the skylight, he was met by the sight of a pristine crystal chandelier, hanging elegantly precisely in the middle of the glittering white ceiling.

Kayashima sat up, puzzling over his new surroundings. The room was decorated like an old Victorian era home, with deep red floral wallpaper, dark wood furniture, and delicate crystal lamps placed on every table.

Sitting up carefully, as if the thick, Arabian rug beneath his feet was a booby trap and would explode at the slightest touch, Kayashima looked around at the peculiar setting. The soft, inviting bed beneath him didn't so much as creak as he stood up, eager to take a closer look at the mysterious room. He had never been inside anything like it before, but he didn't feel at all concerned about his inexplicable presence inside it. The room had a warm and inviting aura about it, and Kayashima felt safe inside it. He noted that the room was also perfectly symmetrical; as if someone had placed a mirror right down the middle of the room and the other half was merely a reflection. Blushing slightly, Kayashima realized that he was the only thing throwing the perfect mirror image off, and it also dawned on him, for the first time, that he was completely naked.

He quickly walked over to the armoire, grasping at the handles in the hope that whoever had put him there had been kind enough to leave some clothing for him. However, the doors would not budge, as if they had been painted on. Giving up, Kayashima walked away from the drawers, not really concerned about his current state of dress anyway.

_Tick. Tock._

The rhymatic beat of the clocks had been present the entire time Kayashima had been inside the room, but in that second, the sound went from ambient noise to blaring, thunderous explosions. His curiosity piqued, he quickly walked over to the door, which contained no doorknob, and easily opened it, stepping out into the hallway.

The source of the tumultuous banging was immediately apparent; what seemed like a thousand clocks lined the hallway, taking up every inch of space, all ticking and tocking in beat, a perfect rhythm with each other.

Kayashima became aware of a heavenly glow at the end of the hallway and, without a thought, began walking towards it. It didn't seem very far, but as he continued to walk, the light became farther and farther away, and Kayashima walked faster and faster, until he was running. The clocks, which had all displayed different times upon his arrival, began to turn backwards, winding around frantically, the banging ticks and tocks of their pendulums blurring together until the combined to create one indecipherable, deafening roar. Kayashima ran faster, sweat pouring down his face and dripping down his spine, the wine-dark droplets joining the river of blood beneath his feet as he ran on.

Kayashima ran and ran, the noise expanding, the roaring in his head becoming so great there was a moment he thought he might explode.

Then, mercifully, he stopped. The clocks all released their ear-splitting toll as they chimed thirteen o'clock. Kayashima held his breath as he entered the light.

The room was made of mirrors, the reflective walls bathed in silver. Kayashima looked around, puzzled as to why the mirrors did not simply reflect each other, but abandoned the question as he realized the rules of physics made no sense anymore.

Ryoto stood in the middle of the room, an oasis of white in a room of silver.

Kayashima walked up to his side, looking out into the distance.

Ryoto slipped his arms around Kayashima's waist, nuzzling his face between his companions neck.

"Welcome home." He murmured, tenderly kissing Kayashima's soft flesh. Kayashima didn't even flinch, just stood there. Like a statue.

"This is home?"

Ryoto let out a small laugh, bringing one hand up to run through Kayashima's dark hair. "I long, as does every human being, to be at home wherever I find myself."

Kayashima remained still. Something didn't feel quite right, as if it was spoken in a foreign language he only knew bits and pieces of.

"You raped me." He said, emotionless.

Ryoto kissed his temple. "How many times do I have to say I'm sorry? I don't like hurting you."

"I don't understand." Kayashima stepped away. "I don't understand you, Ryoto."

Smiling, Ryoto took his hand. "Isn't it obvious?"

"What?"

"Right there." Ryoto pointed with his free hand, still grinning. "The answer is right in front of you. Don't you see it?"

Kayashima stared ahead, into the mirror before him. All he saw was Ryoto's smiling face reflected back at him. He walked closer, then the realization hit him like an icy cold dawn. He dropped to his knees, and tried to scream. There was no sound, no noise came forth from Kayashima's core as he stared into the mirror.

There was nothing there.

* * *

><p>Kayashima woke up with a start, soaked to the bone in cold sweat. He groaned and slapped a hand over his eyes as the sun's bright light again assaulted his vision. His heart pounded for a minute before returning to normal, his breathing slowed. He became aware that he was covered in a fairly thick quilt, but he was laying on the hard floor.<p>

He sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. The quilt was a pretty, homemade piece, something Nakatsu's grandmother had given him before she died. He couldn't help but feel flattered that Nakatsu had covered him with one of his prized possessions even after he rejected the blonde as they laid in bed together.

_'Why was I in Nakatsu's bed...' _he wondered as his mind wandered back to the previous day, each memory slicing him like a sharpened knife.

Kayashima slapped a hand over his mouth as he hastily got to his feet, thundering down the stairs as hot acid bubbled up in the back of his throat. His knees hit the tile of the bathroom as he began to heave, gripping the sides of the toilet bowl. However, there was nothing in his stomach, and he was reduced to painfully gagging as his stomach reacted to his disgust.

He wasn't aware of Nakatsu's presence in the bathroom until his cool fingers were pressed against the back of Kayashima's burning neck. The violent tremors that rippled through Kayashima's body alleviated and eventually subsided as Nakatsu raked his fingers through Kayashima's silky hair.

"You're really sick..." He mumbled. Kayashima shook his head.

"I'm fine. You shouldn't have..." He stopped to breathe, his chest feeling unnaturally heavy. "You should have let me go to school."

"Like this?" Nakatsu knelt down besides his roommate, taking his face in two hands. "Kayashima, in all the time I've known you, you've never had so much as a cold. Now you're just..." Nakatsu placed one hand over Kayashima's burning forehead. "You have a fever. You're not going anywhere until your fever breaks, alright?"

Kayashima absentmindedly nodded, not really caring anymore. He had already missed a day of school, and it was Friday. Two days of staying inside the dorm, not having to see anyone.

_'I won't have to see Ryoto...' _He thought bitterly, as a new wave of nausea washed over him. He bent over the toilet bowl again as he violently retched, wishing the floor would open up and swallow him whole before he died of humiliation.

Nakatsu backed towards the door, keeping his eyes trained on his vulnerable roommate. "I'm going to run out to the store to get you some medicine." He said, scratching his head. "And I'll probably buy some more food while I'm there. Not that I expect you to eat much..." He rambled, biting his lip. "Is there...is there anything you want me to get you?"

Kayashima managed to raise his head to meet the gaze of his roommate, though it felt like a ton of bricks were tied to his head. "Peppermint tea would be really nice." He managed to croak. Then, on second thought, "Take my credit card. My wallet should be in my bag."

"No." Nakatsu put up his hands. "It's fine. I can pay for this."

"It's my Dad's card." Kayashima told him, grabbing hold of the edge of the sink as he hoisted himself up. "He won't mind. He hardly ever even checks the bill."

Nakatsu seemed to consider this for a second, but then shook his head. "No. I can take perfectly good care of you, Kayashima. I don't need your card." He turned away, ready to walk out the door when he turned around again. "Kayashima. Brush your teeth, take a shower, put on some clean clothes and lay down in my bed. You'll feel much better."

Kayashima could only nod before dropping to his knees, his stomach flipping as he coughed.

* * *

><p>Kayashima spent quite a while in the shower, and was still there when Nakatsu returned from the store, a plastic bag swinging from his hand. He raised an eyebrow as he called for Kayashima and was met with nothing but the silence of the empty room and the faint sound of running water and, depositing the bag on their desk, made his way over to the bathroom door and pounded on it a little harder than he intended to.<p>

"Kayashima!" He yelled, then lowered his voice when he realized Sano and Ashiya next door could probably hear him. "Is everything okay in there?"

Holding a bar of soap in one hand, Kayashima froze when he heard his roommate call out to him. He paused, unsure of what to say.

"Um...yeah. Just give me a minute, okay?"

He didn't wait for Nakatsu's response before he began scrubbing again. He had, of course, showered after his...encounter with Ryoto. (Kayashima shuddered, refusing to think of it as a rape) He had scrubbed himself raw and had deposited his bloody sheets in the wash, returning to the room to clean the floor, as there was also a fair amount of blood that had found it's way to the ground. And after he had put the sheets in the dryer, he had showered again.

Even when all the sweat of the night had been washed away, Kayashima continued to scrub his luminous skin with a coarse washcloth, wearing the skin so thin that it some places it had broken open and blood had trickled down his flesh. He continued to scrub, however, feeling dirtier than ever.

_'I can't erase him.' _He thought hopelessly as he stepped into the cold spray of the shower, letting the icy droplets hit his face. _'I can't wash away the fact that he's been here.'_

Every muscle, every nerve in Kayashima's body hurt. The places where Ryoto had touched seemed to burn as if there were some strange, unidentifiable chemical on his skin that he couldn't wash away. He just wanted to drop to the floor and never, ever move again.

After he had turned the water off and dressed in a fresh pair of pajama pants and a sweatshirt, not even bothering to pull a comb through his ashen locks, Kayashima stumbled out of the bathroom, holding onto whatever furniture he could find to keep himself upright. Nakatsu, who had been sitting at their desk, uncharacteristically doing his homework at his computer, jumped out of his seat and sprinted over to help Kayashima cross the floor.

"Are you okay? Do you need me to...I don't know, carry you?" Nakatsu rambled as Kayashima shook his head.

"I'm fine. I just feel terrible."

Nakatsu nodded as he helped Kayashima down onto his mattress. "Sure there's nothing I can get you? Because it's no problem at all, if-"

"Nakatsu." Kayashima raised his hands, cutting Nakatsu's monologue short. "I'm _fine. _I just felt sick that's all." He breathed out as he settled back on the pillows, pulling Nakatsu's purple sheets up to his chest. "You were right. I feel much better. Thank you."

As if he hadn't even heard his roommate, Nakatsu turned around swiftly, walking to the other side of the room.

"I got your sheets out of the dryer." He called, and Kayashima's stomach did another series of acrobatic flips. Nakatsu made his way back over, unfolding the crisp white sheets in his hands, revealing the spotty, ghastly blood stains that decorated the material. Kayashima squeezed his eyes shut and tried not to think of the cause of their existence.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Kayashima opened his eyes, propping himself up on his elbows as he faced Nakatsu, still holding the bloody sheets. "Tell you what?"

Nakatsu dropped the sheets. "What happened? I mean, after we...you know, after...I don't know, did something rip or..." He trailed off, moving to sit on the bed besides Kayashima. "I just...I read some stuff online, and I know that with um...well, you can rip the rectal lining or..."

Kayashima held up a hand to silence him, closing his eyes again. He laid there for a long moment, carefully thinking over his next words.

_'__I can't tell him.'_

"It wasn't your fault." He said finally, opening his eyes again.

Nakatsu leaned over him, his currently blue aura blushing with pink. "Well, of course it was." He huffed, almost annoyed with Kayashima for trying to absolve him. "I'm the one who...it was me who..."

"You don't have to say it if you don't want to, Nakatsu." Kayashima said as he stared into Nakatsu's chocolatey eyes. Nakatsu blinked, and Kayashima did his best to give him a small smile. "It's fine. I'll be okay."

"But the blood-"

"I was a virgin." He said, wanting the dangerous conversation over. "There was going to be blood. I'll be fine."

Nakatsu nodded slowly, slowly tracing the wrinkles and folds of the sheets. "I'm just worried about you, Kayashima. You've never been this sick before."

"Just a coincidence." He smiled again, hoping Nakatsu would be convinced. Nakatsu trailed his fingers over the smooth dips of the fabric, resting his hand gently on Kayashima's cheek. Kayashima tried not to flinch at his touch.

"You should smile more." Nakatsu said as he gazed at Kayashima, his aura becoming very pink. He began to slowly rub his thumb across Kayashima's cheek. "I like your smile."

Kayashima had stiffened, frozen to the bed as memories from the day before played through his head. He pushed Nakatsu's hand away, closing his eyes as he tried to get the images out of his head.

Ryoto, stroking Kayashima's face lovingly as he sweetly planted a kiss on Kayashima's numb lips, Ryoto, on top of him, kissing down Kayashima's toned stomach, Ryoto, Ryoto, Ryoto.

_No._

Kayashima opened his eyes. Ryoto wasn't there, _really _wasn't there. Nakatsu was. Nakatsu was there, and Nakatsu was concerned for him.

"Kayashima..." Nakatsu nearly sighed as his fingers trailed down his roommate jaw, his eyes far away. "I..I'm sorry."

He motioned to get up, but Kayashima grabbed onto Nakatsu's arm. Nakatsu looked back at him, looking strangely hopeful. Kayashima bit his lip, but forced himself to keep eye contact.

"I...I'm the one who should be sorry." He fidgeted, uncomfortable. Nakatsu's hands immediately went to to Kayashima's face.

"It's not your fault..."

"No, what I mean is..." Kayashima swallowed, forcing the words out. "I'm sorry I disappeared right after...right after we had sex." He didn't respond to Nakatsu's very obvious flinch. "I've been treating you like shit, and I'm sorry."

Nakatsu looked down at his hands, now in his lap. "I think...Kayashima, I think I like you."

Kayashima held his breath. The world seemed to wiggle off it's axis for a moment, shocking and abnormal as Nakatsu's proclamation seemed to be. There, Nakatsu had put himself out there, displayed his hidden and-until now-unrealized affections for his very quiet, very complicated roommate. It was certainly a brave thing to do, as Kayashima doubted he would ever have had the courage to put himself directly in the line of fire like that.

"I never really thought about you in a romantic way before, but after what happened..." Nakatsu rambled on, seemingly trying to get all his emotions out, possibly before Kayashima could shoot him down. "I just can't help but think...I don't know. I just don't think I'm gay, and..." Kayashima brought one finger up to quiet him, his chaotic silence indecipherable.

"I think..." Kayashima breathed, bracing himself for what he was about to say. "I think I care for you too. And I don't think liking one guy makes you gay, Shuichi." Nakatsu looked at him, shocked, as Kayashima curled his lips in an attempt to smile again.

"You don't? I mean, you like...you like me too?" Kayashima nodded. Nakatsu exhaled, seemingly both relieved and uncertain about Kayashima's announcement.

"That's...that's so..."

Nakatsu face broke out into a huge grin that seemed to glow with triumph. He laughed a bit bitterly. "I thought you hated me."

"I could never hate you, Shuichi." Kayashima said as he closed his eyes again, completely exhausted. "It's just been stressful these past few days."

They were relatively silent for a moment, the only sound between them being the hum of the dorm heaters coming on and the sound of Noe's scratched Britney Spears CD skipping on the song 'Hit Me Baby One More Time.'

Finally, Nakatsu's uneasy voice broke the turbulent silence. "So...what do we do now?"

"Now?" Kayashima asked rhetorically, eyes still closed. He turned on his side, away from Nakatsu. "Now you can put your arms around me and warm me up. I'm freezing."

He could almost hear Nakatsu grinning. "Snuggle time?"

"I guess. If you really want to call it that."

Nakatsu stopped short of clapping his hands as he slipped his legs into the bed with Kayashima, wrapping his tan arms around his roommates slender body. Kayashima tensed at first, but forced himself to relax as the faint pink colors of Nakatsu's aura wrapped around him. _'It's just Nakatsu. Just Nakatsu.'_

Somewhat at peace, Kayashima drifted off into sleep, dreamlessly.

* * *

><p><em>No one's gonna take me alive,<em>

_Time has come to make things right._

_You and I must fight for our rights,_

_You and I must fight to survive._

* * *

><p><strong>Ah-hem. Yes, I am sorry that<strong> **it's been...far too long since posting the last chapter. I hate to start the excuses, but here we are. I had pneumonia. (I have the flu now...joy. Great luck, huh?) Both me and Taiki got it, at which point we became the butt of many twin jokes from Evil Step. (I don't understand twin jokes. My brother and I don't look RELATED, much less twins.) And after recovering from that, I decided to start another story in another fandom...smart, huh? Then I took the ACT and since then, basically, my choir teacher has just been evil. And then, yeah, flu. And now we think we're gonna have to put our guniea pig down...so yeah.**

**I would like to thank the very wonderful collineesh for agreeing to become my Beta. She is now responsible for making sure I don't fail at life any longer.**

**For those of you who know nothing about anal sex, (yeah, I said it) it does run a high risk of ruptures or tears in the rectal lining and various infections from that. Apparently it's also against religion (even with opposite sex couples) which I did not know but found facinating. Also, not really related, but apparently gay couples can't adopt from China, as homosexuality is considered a 'mental disease' there. Sad, isn't it? **

**PLAYLIST FOR THIS CHAPTER: 'Through the Fire and Flames' Dragonforce, (BEST. SONG. EVER.) Adele...everything...and that one really annoying song that gets stuck in your head all the time. 'Moves Like Jaggar' I believe. I'm too lazy to look it up.**

**So there will probably be about ten million more chapters of this. No joke. I have this story pretty much mapped out and we're still practically at the beginning. I'll probably cut it down significantly, but still.**

**Alright, review! Please!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Bonjour! Don't you just hate it when a writer doesn't update for...ever...then starts the next chapter with an apology and explanation about why they randomly disappeared?**

**Me too! (And I really hope it's obvious why a teenaged, working girl sharing a computer with two porn-obsessed brothers would be unable to write.) So in light of that, I will be starting out this chapter with a Haiku entitled 'Bio Teacher'**

**Bio Teacher**

**My Bio teacher**

**is Korean, not Chinese.**

**He is a strange man.**

* * *

><p>Kayashima's hand shook as he struck the match and brought it close to his face, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. His every movement echoed in the small shower stall, and he grabbed the shampoo shelf as his foot slipped out from underneath him. He swore as the match singed his fingertips and wondered if there was a better way to do this.<p>

_'I have to do this. There isn't another way.'_

He exhaled and dropped the match on the pile of bloody sheets, watching intently as they went up in flames. It was quick work; they were ashes in seconds. Kayashima quickly turned the shower on, putting out the fire before it had the chance to burn him.

He sighed in contempt. The proof was gone. Nakatsu had bought him a set of bright orange sheets for his bed (which Kayashima had only accepted because the color had reminded him of Nakatsu's aura) and hadn't even asked him about his shirt. If he really tried, he could deny that the incident had ever occurred.

_'Well, except I have to see him every day. And he'll probably sit by me in all my classes, all our meals. Might even follow me back here again...'_

Kayashima shuddered. He wondered, briefly, if he should just tell Nakatsu what had happened and be done with it. (Ryoto may have been bigger and stronger than Kayashima, but Nakatsu still towered over him, and, having serious muscles from weight lifting, could probably kick his ass.) But he knew, really, he could never tell Nakatsu anything like that. It was far too...revealing. He felt naked just thinking about it.

His stomach twisted into knots. _'I have to tell someone, don't I? I don't want it to happen again. And what if he has a disease? If he does, I could pass it along to Nakatsu...'_

He bit his lip. Nakatsu couldn't know. Nakatsu could never know.

It wasn't that he wasn't comfortable around Nakatsu. He just always had to have his buffers when interacting with people, his roommate being no exception. It made him feel safe. Less vulnerable.

But having all his walls up wasn't working when it came to his roommate. Since Kayashima had begun feeling normal again Saturday morning, they had hardly touched at all. Noe had given Nakatsu all the notes and assignments from the day they had missed and Kayashima had been hard at work studying and copying notes. Nakatsu had spent most of his time inside their dorm, working on his own incomplete homework or simply holding a book (sometimes upside-down, much to Kayashima's amusement) and worriedly staring at his roommate over the top.

Nakatsu wouldn't push him past what he was comfortable with, but Kayashima could sense Nakatsu's patience was running thin.

Kayashima pushed open the bathroom door, turning the overhead fan on to clear out the smoke. Nakatsu hadn't come home yet, so the room was still empty. Kayashima ascended the narrow staircase to his own floor and laid down on the bed, breathing in deeply.

Tomorrow would be Monday. Tomorrow, he'd have to get up early, get dressed, and sit in a classroom with twenty other boys. Including Ryoto.

Kayashima shivered and pulled the covers over him, curling up on his side. Part of him still felt like throwing up when he remembered what had occurred on his bed, but then the bright orange of the sheets would catch his eye, and he'd feel...safe, almost. Like a blanket of Nakatsu had settled over him.

He hadn't realized he had fallen asleep until he heard a door bang shut, followed by the sound of Nakatsu's humming.

"I got donuts! Kayashima, can you hear me? I have freaking DONUTS!"

In spite of his earlier mood, Kayashima smiled. Nakatsu was always looking out for him, apparently this time with donuts.

"Kayashima? You here?" Nakatsu banged up the staircase, stopping when he reached the top and seeing Kayashima, sitting up in bed. "Shit! I'm sorry! Were you asleep?"

"It's fine." Kayashima waved his hand at his room as he slid his legs out of bed. Nakatsu, however, bounded over and pushed him back.

"Stay in bed. I can chill here."

Nakatsu unabashedly plopped down at the other end of the bed, opening the crinkly paper bag and sorting through the wax paper to pick out two donuts. He handed Kayashima a chocolate one, biting into a jelly filled one himself.

"So, are you feeling up to going to school tomorrow?"

Kayashima kept his blank expression firmly glued onto his face and nodded. "I'm fine. I've had all weekend to get better."

"Yeah, but you were _really _sick." Nakatsu commented, sucking the rest of the jelly from the donut. "I thought I was going to have to take you to the hospital and get your stomach pumped when I found you. I was freaked out."

Kayashima nodded absent-mindedly, his eyes roaming around the room. "Yeah..."

Nakatsu cocked his head, reaching out to touch Kayashima's hand. His voice shook as he spoke, looking down. "Why'd you do that? Overdose, I mean."

Kayashima bit his lip. Both halves of his conscience fought for control, and neither really won.

_'I have to tell him.'_

_'He'd **flip**. He'd kill Ryoto. Slit his throat.'_

_'He has to know. I could give him a disease.'_

Kayashima swallowed. "Just...I was overwhelmed. I didn't think I was taking that much."

"Bullshit!" Nakatsu yelled suddenly, jumping to his feet. Kayashima sat back, startled. "You skip school, which you _never _do, and I come back here to find you nearly comatose and spouting some crap about wanting to die, and-"

"I said that?" Kayashima whispered, trauma seeping into his voice. Nakatsu stopped abruptly. "I mean...I didn't mean..."

"I just...I..." Nakatsu raked his hand through his bleached hair, blinking. "I can't help you, Kayashima. I'm an idiot and I can't..." He covered his face with his hand for a moment, looking tired when he pulled it away. "I want to be the one here for you, Kayashima. But if you're suicidal, or-"

"Wait. Just wait." Kayashima held his hands up, sitting on the edge of the bed. "You're getting way too far ahead of yourself. I'm not suicidal, I'm not depressed. I just..." He scoured his mind, trying to find some explanation that would satisfy his roommate. "I just get like that when I'm drugged up. Which doesn't happen anymore."

"Except for last week." Nakatsu pointed out. "Are you seriously going to tell me you don't think there's a problem here?"

Kayashima crossed his arms, doing his best to look defiant. "I have a problem now? With what, drug abuse? That was the first time I purposely overdosed in almost three years."

Nakatsu stared, an incredulous expression on his face. "Wait. So...you actually have a drug problem?" He raked his fingers through his hair again. "Unreal. If there was anyone I thought was least likely to be addicted to something-"

"Okay, I am _not _addicted to anything." Nakatsu folded his arms, staring at Kayashima accusingly. Kayashima fidgeted slightly, but held his stare. "I used to overdose, a lot. Never bad enough I needed the stomach pump, but..." He bit his lip, looking away. "Bad enough. My parents got me into treatment, and I've been clean. Well, until last week."

Nakatsu sighed, expelling the air loudly. He cracked his neck, avoiding looking at Kayashima. "Fine. But from now on I keep all the meds you have to take."

Kayashima's eyes opened, surprised. "But-"

"No buts, Kayashima!" Nakatsu yelled. Kayashima shut his mouth. "I _do not _want to see you like that ever again. And if that means taking your pills from you, then that's exactly what I'm going to do."

Kayashima sighed, exasperated. "Fine." He sat up. "But you have to stop telling me what to do like I'm an incompetent five-year-old."

"When did I-"

"All weekend!" Kayashima threw his hands up in the air. "You've been driving me crazy, between telling me-"

"Excuse me!" Nakatsu rocked back on the balls of his feet, his hands curling into fists. "You've been sick! I've just been trying to take care of you!"

Kayashima stood up, madly gesturing with his hands. "How, by treating me like a-"

Nakatsu grabbed his roommate's slim hands, his long fingers wrapping around them easily. He took a deep breath, a strange peace settling over him as he felt the air circulate through his lungs. "Stop. Look, I don't...I don't want to fight."

Kayashima looked down, his eyes glassy. "I'm sorry." He pulled away. "I'm just going to go to sleep now."

He turned around, moving the donut bag to the floor and pulling back the covers. Suddenly, Nakatsu's stomach dropped and his hand shot out, wrapping around his younger roommate's waist. Kayashima gasped as he was forcibly turned around, the surprised sound swallowed as Nakatsu crushed their lips together.

Kayashima inadvertently relaxed as Nakatsu pulled him in closer, his hand running up and down his back. The other hand reached up to tangle in the other boy's dark hair, gently pulling on the back to more easily reach Kayashima's lip. Nakatsu opened his mouth, letting his tongue snake over Kayashima's perfect bottom lip.

"Don't be mad..." He whispered as they broke apart, gasping for air. The two stood in stoic silence, their foreheads resting against each other.

Kayashima sighed, breaking apart from Nakatsu. The blonde looked on, crestfallen, disbelief coloring his face.

"I'm sorry, Nakatsu..." Kayashima brought one hand up to scratch at his head, looking down. "I'm just...not comfortable with this right now. I'm sorry. I hope you understand."

With that, the psychic boy turned around and crawled into bed, ignoring Nakatsu's obvious aura change.

Nakatsu stood there, feeling like a complete idiot, watching Kayashima adjust his sleeping position until he found one that was apparently comfortable.

"Kayashima?"

Kayashima raised his head to look over at his whiny roommate.

"Can I sleep here?"

Hesitantly, Kayashima nodded. He laid back down, listening as Nakatsu laid down beside him and turned off the lamp. Inside of wrapping his arms around Kayashima, Nakatsu simply turned the other way, so the two were back-to-back.

Kayashima bit his lip. He knew he shouldn't have even cared, but he felt like crying.

* * *

><p><strong>Um...so you're all probably wondering what excuse I have for not updating this time.<strong>

**The answer is nothing. I don't have an excuse. I've been lazy and tired. Sorry.**

**And with that, I give you a crappy chapter. It was actually longer and 'cough cough' contained an actual sex scene. Don't mean to give anything away or anything. But it just didn't really work with this scene and I felt like this needed to be in here...not just for character development, but story progression...or else stories would just be like, 'this happened, that happened, she turned out to be a duck and he died in a slipper factory explosion. The End.'**

**You guys need to tell me what you want! I just might follow your suggestions...maybe.**

**So expect nothing from me for about a week. I'm going on a choir trip to South America and will have no internet access. (at least, I assume not.) I'm going to burn! I've been told I won't since I'm Asian...but I burn. Badly. Like the ginger I somehow am. I think it has something to do with the fact I don't actually LOOK Asian...Taiki got all the Asian genes. So he'll just get really tan and me and all my European-ness will fry. (WHAT is the point of being Japanese if you LOOK like that 1/8 Italian or whatever the heck I am? The other day some old lady thought I was dating my brother...because 'he looked so oriental and you look so American!' What the hell?)**

**Um...so yeah. Review. I love you all. Bye now.**


	7. Chapter 7

**DAD: "What are you three doing?"**

**TAIKI: "Making Better-Than-Sex cake."**

**DAD: "Trust me, it's not."**

**As an apology for my (again) long absence, here is a quote from Animaniacs.**

**YAKKO: "Alright, Dot, you dust for prints!"**

**DOT: "Found him!" 'holds up Prince'**

**YAKKO: "No, no, I mean fingerpr****ints!"**

**DOT: 'looks at Prince'"I don't _think _so!"**

**Read it again. You will shit your pants when you figure it out.**

* * *

><p>When his alarm clock went off the next morning, Kayashima, who hadn't slept a wink all night, began to hyperventaliate. His heart began to beat erratically, and he clutched his sheets in his sweaty palms.<p>

Next to him, Nakatsu slept on, oblivious. Kayashima forced himself to take a deep breath and relax his muscles. He was tempted to just turn the damn clock off and go back to sleep, saved for another day. But the responsible, academically-inclined side of him nagged him about how he had already missed a day and a half, and Nakatsu had missed a day as well. '_Because of me...'_

With a sigh, Kayashima forced himself to sit up and turn the alarm clock off. He got out of bed, wincing when his feet made contact with the cold floor. Behind him, Nakatsu grunted in his sleep. Kayashima turned around.

"Wake up..." Kayashima whispered, shaking his roommate gently. "Wake up, Nakatsu. We'll be late."

"Five more minutes..." was his mumbled reply. Kayashima noisily exhaled, annoyed. He shook Nakatsu harder.

"I don't want to hear you complaining about your empty stomach later today. Get up."

Nakastu swatted his hand away, but ended up lazily pulling himself out of bed.

After Nakatsu had stumbled down the stairs like a zombie, Kayashima began stripping off his own clothes. He wished briefly that he was a shower in the morning kind of person-he still felt filthy, and the hot water would feel good. Plus, if he took the time to shower, he could avoid going to breakfast, putting off his inevitable encounter with Ryoto.

But he rarely showered in the morning, and Nakatsu would know something was up.

After they had both dressed, Nakatsu noisily banged out the door, eager to greet his neighbors.

"Mizuki! Izumi! Let's go! Time for breakfast!"

From the look of their faces, Kayashima could tell Sano and Ashiya were in the same boat as him as far as their feelings about Monday morning went. Nonetheless, visibly perked up when they saw Nakatsu. Kayashima began to wonder if others could feel Nakatsu's practically radiate happiness.

"Hey, Kayashima!" Ashiya smiled at him, her feminine face lighting up as she stepped over and embraced him. "God, we haven't seen you all weekend! Hope you're feeling better."

Kayashima swallowed, feeling a little sick. "I am, thanks."

There were quickly joined by Noe and Sekime, and, after banging on Nakao's door for a few minutes until he emerged, they proceeded to the cafeteria.

The sight of the cavernous room made Kayashima's chest tighten uncomfortably, his breathe coming out in short gasps. He watched the cafeteria obsessively as he followed Nakatsu through the breakfast line. He kept his ears trained for the sound of Ryoto's familiar laughter, his voice calling out to him.

Thankfully, he didn't see Ryoto at all as he pushed his tray along and paid for his meal. He carefully followed Nakatsu to their regular table, trembling all the way.

He sat down to Nakatsu's left, leaving a seat open for Nakao, who was grilling one of the lunch ladies about the fat content of the eggs. Sano, Ashiya, and Noe dropped their trays on the opposite side, leaving Sekime to sit on the end. Kayashima allowed himself to breathe a little easier as Nakao began to walk over to claim the spot next to him.

"Hey! Taiki!"

The air in Kayashima's lungs wooshed out as Ryoto came up behind him, clapping a hand on his shoulder and dropping into the empty seat next to him. Everyone at the table turned to stare at the new arrival. Kayashima, however, kept his eyes straight ahead, one hand clutching his butterknife.

"Excuse me?" Nakao, who was stuck standing at the edge of the table, sniffed. "Do we know you?"

Ryoto laughed. "Taiki does. We're best friends. Right, Taiki?" He poked Kayashima in the side, smiling. He turned back to Nakao, who practically had steam shooting out of his ears. "Sorry for stealing your seat, mate. Nothing personal."

Nakao stood glaring daggers at Ryoto, who picked up his fork and began shoving food into his mouth, oblivious. Eventually, Mizuki took him by the hand and pulled him down.

Sekime adjusted his glasses. "So, Ryoto." He said, breaking the silence. Ryoto looked up. "How do you know Kayashima?"

"Best friends all through middle school." Ryoto grinned, elbowing Kayashima in the side. Kayashima visibly winced, his hands curling into fists on the table. Nakatsu looked over, raising his eyebrows and he shoved a forkful of eggs into his mouth.

"Oh, okay." Mizuki smiled. "We've just never heard his say anything about you."

"We actually never hear Kayashima say anything at all." Noe piped up, deciding he liked Ryoto.

Ryoto's laughter and his friend's amicable laughter faded away as Kayashima returned to that day in his dorm room. Ryoto was no longer at his side, but on top of him. Moving his hips, stroking his face, moaning Kayashima's name over and over again.

* * *

><p>Kayashima barely registered anything that happened in class that day. Ryoto was in every single one of his classes, besides art. And every period, he'd sit down right next to the dark-haired psychic, happily chattering away like nothing had ever happened between them.<p>

And Kayashima had remained silent, only nodding when it seemed appropriate. Whenever his friends asked about it, he claimed his throat was still sore from being sick and they'd leave him alone.

Only Nakatsu seemed to not buy it.

The blonde had watched Kayashima warily all throughout the day, his normally bright aura stormy and dark, tainted by unnamed thoughts. Kayashima could feel his curious eyes on him, watching his every move, trying to come to a conclusion about Kayashima's odd behavior.

As far as Kayashima could tell, Nakatsu hadn't been satisfied.

When the final bell rang and Nakatsu had to go off to soccer practice, Kayashima grabbed hold of Nakao's bony arm as he veered away from the rest of the group, making his way to Dorm 2.

"Hey! What's your-" A single panicked look from Kayashima was all it took to shut Nakao's mouth, however grudgingly. Ryoto, who had been glued to Kayashima's side the entire day, broke away from the group, which he had seemingly adopted as his own. He ran to catch up with them, attempting to grab hold of Kayashima's hand, but gave up after Kayashima snatched it away. His smirk only faltered slightly, though, and Nakao, sensing something was going on between the two, adopted a snooty expression.

"What do you want, Ryoto?" He sniffed. "Kayashima certainly doesn't seem to want to talk to you."

Ryoto just laughed. "Nah, Taiki here is one shy guy. I've always done most of the talking. He doesn't mind."

Nakao simply scoffed. "If you say so."

If there were ever a moment Kayashima was grateful he was friends with Nakao, this would be it. The rest of his friends had fallen in love with Ryoto, making easy conversation with him and accepting him as an integral part of their group without even knowing him for more than a few hours. Nakao was the only one who had really rejected Ryoto right off the bat, and for that, Kayashima was grateful. At least Nakao was on his side.

"So Taiki, how come I don't have your number?" Ryoto asked, casually knocking their fists together as they walkd along. "If you were sick this weekend, I could have come and taken care of you." He smirked at Kayashima, who bit his lip and stared at his shoes.

"Or maybe he didn't need you to take care of him." Nakao said. "Nakatsu takes pretty good care of people."

"Hey, why don't you just piss off, okay?" Ryoto snapped, dropping the friendly mask he'd worn all day. "I'm trying to have a conversation here, bitch."

Nakao stood still, his mouth arranged in a perfect O. Finally, he snapped his jaw closed, turning his back on the two without another word.

"Well, finally." Ryoto sniffed as Kayashima slowly turned towards him. Ryoto began to walk again, slipping one arm around Kayashima's shoulders. "Now we can be alone."

Kayashima slapped his arm away, looking at the taller boy with disgust. "Get away from me. Don't you dare come near me." He backed away, his fear of Ryoto battling with his anger over Nakao's mistreatment. Ryoto backed him into the outside wall on the dorm, partially hidden due to a large rosebush.

"What the fuck is your problem?" Ryoto spat, his eyes narrowing down at his former friend, who was crouching down by the ground. "I see you for the first time in years, and you act all pissed off-"

"I believe we've already been through this." Kayashima said as calmly as he could, getting up and walking around the the entrance to Dorm 2.

"Yeah, and I thought we were cool!" Ryoto yelled as he ran to catch up with Kayashima. Kayashima ignored him, getting his card ready to swipe through the front door. Ryoto quickly caught him by the waist, spinning him around so they were face-to-face. Kayashima opened his mouth to yell, but Ryoto quickly lifted his head to scan their surroundings, and Kayashima knew there was no one around to hear him. Ryoto leaned in close, looking sincerely into Kayashima's eyes. "Look, I just...being with you felt so...right. It made me feel happier than I've ever felt before."

Kayashima bit his lip, his cheeks burning as he looked down at his feet. Ryoto slipped his own hand into his. "Let's just go up to your room, okay? We can work this out. I don't want to fight."

Without looking up at Ryoto, Kayashima nodded.

* * *

><p><em>"Oh yeah, Taiki and I have been best friends forever! All through middle school! I know him better than anyone!"<em>

Nakatsu's eyes narrowed in determination as he planted one foot in the earth and brought the other around to slam into the soccer ball. It went wide, of course, just like every ball he had kicked at practice that day.

_'What is it about that new kid that pisses me off so much?' _Nakatsu thought vehemently. _'Why do I want to wring his stupid little neck?'_

He knew the answer, but he didn't want to admit it. Ryoto had been all over Kayashima all day. Talked to him during passing time. Sat next to him in every class. Touched. Him. Every. Chance. He. Got.

And Nakatsu didn't even have a right to be mad. Kayashima wasn't his property. They had sex once. Kissed. Cuddled a bit. All within the sanctuary that was their room, because once he had gone past the threshold of their door, Nakatsu could no longer make his confusing yet breathtaking world with Kayashima coincide with the other world that comprised of everyone else.

Kayashima could choose someone else if he wanted to, and Nakatsu was too big of a coward to do anything about it. He was too scared to come out to his friends, scared to jump off that cliff with the full knowledge there was no coming back. He knew that if Kayashima did choose to be with someone else, it was simply because Nakatsu had stood by and allowed it to happen, instead of letting his affections for the other boy become known. Nakatsu had allowed this to happen. None of it was Kayashima's fault, none of it was Ryoto's fault.

_'So why the hell do I want to murder that bastard?'_

* * *

><p>"So what's up? What's bothering you?"<p>

Kayashima could only stand there stupidly as Ryoto presented this question, as if it were legit. Ryoto had casually dropped his backpack onto the floor and was now kicking back in the desk chair, staring at Kayashima through his gray, soulless eyes. Kayashima blinked, unsure of how to respond.

"L-last week..." he stammered, "You and I...we...you had sex. With me."

Ryoto nodded slowly, as if this were the most obvious thing on the planet. "Yeah, and it was fucking great." He suddenly sat up straight, grinning like the Chesire cat. "Why? You want me to do you again?"

Kayashima closed his eyes, bracing himself on the edge of Nakatsu's dresser and he shook his head. "I just...I..." He broke off, breathing heavily. Ryoto was up and out of the chair, guiding him to Nakatsu's bed.

"Hey, calm down." He said as he lowered the other boy down onto the bed. "First times are hard. It'll get better, I promise." He said, rubbing Kayashima's back absentmindedly while the other boy fought to get control of himself. "I know it was a little kinky and you probably weren't ready for that yet, but I-"

"I said no." Kayashima whispered, barely audible over the hum of the dorm heaters. Ryoto was silent for a moment before collecting his thoughts.

"What?"

Kayashima stood up, his eyes shining with unshed tears. "I said no." He repeated. "I said no and you raped me anyways."

"Whoa. Whoa." Ryoto laughed bitterly as he got to his feet. "I sure as hell never raped you. You wanted it just as bad as I did. Don't you try to deny it."

"I will, because that's not true!" Kayashima yelled, backing away. "I pushed you away. You hit me and tied me up so I couldn't fight back. I yelled for help and you _gagged _me. Then you took off my clothes and had sex with me, without my consent. That's rape."

Ryoto crossed his arms in front, narrowing his eyes. "You wanted it. Your body consented." He walked forward, trapping Kayashima between him and the wall. "I think you don't want to deal with being gay, so you just don't want me to fuck you again."

Kayashima trembled, but he stayed standing. "You would never get another chance to, if I went to the police about this."

The fist came out of nowhere. It slammed into Kayashima's right temple, sending him crashing to the floor. Then more fists came at him, delivering blows to his stomach, to his ribs. Kayashima gasped for breath as Ryoto grabbed hold of his throat, slamming him against the wall so hard he saw stars.

"You will _never _threaten me like that again." Ryoto's voice had a commanding feel to it, though it shook with fear. "Do you hear me?" He shook Kayashima again, his head knocking against the concrete wall. "_I own you. _You are _mine. _Don't you dare try to threaten me again. I _will not _forgive you. Do you understand?" Kayashima blinked, his vision going blurry. Ryoto slapped him hard across his face. "_Answer me, _you son of a bitch. Do you understand me?"

Weakly, Kayashima nodded. "Yes. I understand."

"Good." Ryoto's grip on Kayashima's neck loosened, and Kayashima collapsed to the floor. Ryoto turned and picked up his bag, turning back to the other boy on his way out. Kayashima looked up fearfully, but Ryoto only smiled.

"I'll keep it a secret. You and me, I mean." He said, adjusting the strap on his bag. "You're not ready to come out. I get it. I can wait." He walked over, bending down and softly kissing Kayashima's forehead. "Really, I can wait."

With that, Ryoto turned and walked out of the room, leaving Kayashima sitting there alone, too stunned to even cry.

* * *

><p><strong>So I know I've been gone for...two and a half months...and no, I did not get lost in Costa Rica! I did get sunburned, (though not as badly as I thought I would) managed to injure my foot and my luggage got destroyed by Delta. Still, it was great. Being in San Jose really gave me a new perspective on my life in the Twin Cities. <strong>

**Anyway, I was a terrible person and made no attempt to work on this when I came back. This entire chapter was written in about three nights, with the last two both being within the last week. I feel terrible, and I will try my hardest to make sure this doesn't happen again!**

**Good News: I got my own computer! Like, a month ago...so now that I've stopped being stupid I can update faster! I'm super happy to have my own laptop again, and I even had enough to buy a new one and not a crap-ass used one with porn still on it from last time. (I don't really care when things are used, actually, I buy most of my clothes and books secondhand. I don't like buying electronics used though.) More Good News: It's almost summer! I have a week left. I'm working this summer, but it shouldn't be too intense. **

**Then my senior year...gulp. Senior year I'm taking bullshit classes, I think I have one science class and no math. I have AP English & two extra Englishes, but then I'm taking things like art and music, so my workload won't be too bad. But my religion teacher forced-I mean, asked me to join Yearbook, so I'm doing that, and I finally got into my school's Varsity show choir-Woo-hoo! So yeah.**

**Oh, I was going to talk about the story, right? (Ha ha...) When I submitted this to my Beta, the lovely Collineesh, she thought it was weird how accepting Kayashims seemed when Ryoto first confronts him. I guess? I'm doing my best to guess how Kayashima would feel in this situation, but it's difficult. I do agree with her though. I'm confused why Kayashima is bringing it up with him. Yes, I wrote it, and I'm confused. We know the apocalypse is upon us when that happens.**

**As for Ryoto...I base a lot of his personality off of the stereotypical power-assertive rapist. Most date rapists fall under this category, and they normally rape their victims because they lack self-confidence and needs reassurance of their masculinity. The only difference I found between most power-assertive rapists and Ryoto is that normally PA rapists want as little contact with their victim as possible. Oh, well. Also I'm pretty sure Ryoto has bipolar disorder. It sure seems to fit.**

**Alright, my lovelies, review. They make me feel guilty about not updating, thus getting you updates faster!**


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